The GMD’s humourless child

February 8, 2012 20:47:05 Posted at February 8, 2012 20:47:05
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Theo Wargo/Getty

I read an article a couple of weeks ago (thanks Anna Maria) about Newt Gingrich vs Mitt Romney that’s interesting on its own merit - click to see - but here’s the part that’s germane to this site:

For some reason, (Mitt Romney) has always reminded me of Tom Cruise, and I never could figure out exactly why that was. It's not that both men have made People magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People list, even though they have; or that both men belong to religions that creep everyone else out, even though they do; or that both men are ridiculously wealthy and unnaturally moisturized, even though they are. It wasn't until watching Romney's South Carolina concession speech that I finally realized what it was about him that made me think of Cruise.

In all his movies and, more importantly for our purposes, in all his talk show appearances, Cruise only comes in one flavor—INTENSE. Even when he's not gibbering up and down on an overstuffed settee, he's staring directly at the person he's talking to, his jaw clenched, his eyes smoky and penetrative. He can't make jokes, because jokes are born of nuance and self-understanding, and Tom Cruise doesn't have time for any of that shit. He's busy being Tom Cruise all the goddamned time, and the only thing harder than being Tom Cruise all the time is being Tom Cruise when he's pretending to interact with other human beings.


A few years ago I interviewed Catherine O’Hara who’d just come the night before from the Vanity Fair Oscar party. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were there. She said it was unsettling talking to them because they never, ever break eye contact. A ten minute conversation and their eyes, they’re fixed on you the entire time. The GMD is clenched hard. And it appears he’s passed this attribute onto his son.

Connor Cruise is now a professional celebrity DJ. Connor was at the Super Bowl. He was cheering for the New England Patriots. Todd Krim, a publicist, tweeted at Connor to jokingly stick it to him about his team losing:

“Sorry @TheConnorCruise maybe next year!!!”

It’s trash talk. At this point it’s a sporting fundamental. Unless you love the Xenu? Because Connor, Connor did not take it very well. His text response to Krim read as follows:

“That was a gay ass [bleeping] tweet . . . U don’t say [bleep] like that about my team the second they lose. Low.”

I must have missed the part when Connor Cruise actually PLAYED for the New England Patriots. But he’s intense, non? Like his father. SUPER intense. And humourless. And, obviously, a dumbass.

When Krim replied that he was just joking, Connor continued with the pole up his ass:

“That was [bleeped]” and “Idgaf”

Connor has since apologised publicly through another rep because he and Krim don’t work together anymore.

“What I texted was unacceptable. It is not a reflection of who I am and what I feel, and it certainly won’t happen again.”

Connor claims that he and Krim ended their professional association weeks ago. Krim says otherwise and emailed this story to every news outlet in America and claims he was the one who broke things off between them because he found Connor’s behaviour unacceptable.

Errrrm...this man obviously doesn’t work very often with celebrities. But anyway, if Connor Cruise wasn’t Connor Cruise, I’d say his “gay” usage was just a reflection of his generation - ignorant young LA-types walking around with a monster sense of entitlement communicating through an offensive lexicon that everyone surrounding them is too shallow/spoiled/stupid/uninformed/lazy to correct.

On top of that though, in Connor’s case, is the whole Church of Scientology situation. The family cult isn’t exactly super pro-gay. Quite the opposite, in fact. The family cult is super repress the gay, at least in the case of John Travolta and, you know, the others. Just wondering if young Connor has perhaps picked up on that.

And yet...

Adam Shankman is openly gay. As is Bryan Singer. And many people Tom Cruise has worked closely with over his many years in Hollywood. By all accounts, he has good, strong (working) relationships with them.

Is that why he’s so awkwardly intense? You would have to be if you’re struggling to reconcile so many conflicting value systems all at once. And how would that, presumably, affect the children?

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