5 Things to Get Excited for in the 1D Movie

June 28, 2013 15:10:10 Posted at June 28, 2013 15:10:10
Dean Posted by Dean
Photos:
247PapsTV/ Splash

Harry and a baby - again! How are we supposed to fight the power of this image? It's been used against us multiple times and always leaves me feeling somewhat manipulated. Cuteness, hotness, parenting instincts, it really hits all the right buttons, and now Harry's back at it. More on that in a second, but first, can we talk again about the 1D movie trailer?

Sure, it follows the exact same format as the other pop star sort-of-documentaries that are so popular right now. Yes, we'll be paying $16 to Simon Cowell to watch a commercial. And, obviously, this movie has been made for people half our age (and that's being a little generous, yes?). But still, like a cup of English breakfast tea served to you by five twink angels, I'm convinced this movie is going to be really enjoyable, and I'd like to give you some reasons why...

#5 - British Mums

Yes, you've got the actual mothers of the band in there, which is cute and fine but what about those bakery ladies pinching Harry's butt? Cheeky, middle aged, English mums with names like Una or Rosemary have an unparalleled comforting presence that I'm going to count on when I watch this movie hung over on my couch for the fifth time.

#4 - Baby Louis

I can't pull off saying this kind of thing often, especially to children, but Baby Louis? You betta werk, b*tch. That is one fierce child.

#3 - That Camping Trip

It's unclear under what pretense we're supposed to believe these guys had to/wanted to sleep outdoors but it's an activity that lends itself to unscripted entertainment really well. It worked when Lauren Conrad did it on Catalina Island, it worked when Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin did it, and it will work for One Direction.

#2 - Obsessive Teenage Infatuation

"I know that they love me." Replace Zayn with Luke Perry and that deluded girl is me 20 years ago, and isn't she you as well? It's wonderful to watch teenaged people in the throws of pop culture obsession because we get it but thank god there were no cameras around to record us back in the day.

#1 - Shirts Off/Pants Down

We've talked about this before, but the type of homoeroticism favored by One Direction is wonderful and from the looks of this trailer, it seems that Casual Nudity (IN 3D!) may be the 6th star of this movie.

So ya, I'll be there in August to see this movie about a teenage boy band whose music I don't listen to. While we wait for that, we're getting lots of pictures of the guys as they cross the U.S. on tour. As mentioned above, attached are pictures of Harry with James Corden and his family in NY. Doesn't Harry look mature and relaxed hanging out with his married friend? I'm not saying Harry Styles never pulls some bratty, teenage, drunken bullsh*t, but he's certainly not terrorizing the quiet streets of Calabasas with Justin Bieber either, right?

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