As IF, Lindsay Lohan

July 13, 2011 13:29:06 Posted at July 13, 2011 13:29:06
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Lindsay Lohan went to Miami in May, before she was locked inside her comfortable Venice Beach townhouse for a month, for a photo shoot and interview with Plum Magazine. A reader called Ellie sent over this video from the shoot titled, “I can’t believe she didn’t steal those clothes” which, hilarious right?

I agree. I can’t believe she didn’t steal those clothes. But, more distractingly, I can’t believe how much she f-cked up her face. And you have to remember, she has makeup on, she has a team of stylists all around her, the lighting is supposed to be flattering, and still... those lips, the texture of her skin, the crunked up hair – this girl was GORGEOUS 4 years ago. Now? I don’t know how you can save her face, let alone her career.

As for the interview with Lohan, well, not surprisingly, it didn’t happen. Why?

Says the writer, Jacquelynn D. Powers, "I never got my interview. My associates and I were exhausted from the constant demands, drama, outbursts, cancellations and tsoris from the Lohan clique."

They were scheduled to sit down after Lohan spent the weekend in Miami. She partied the whole time. This is not conjecture. The WRITER OF THE MAGAZINE is saying she partied the whole time. And observed it. With alcohol and everything else that clubbing in Miami might come with. Needless to say then, by the end of the weekend, when the interview was supposed to happen, Lohan and her handlers, were “incoherent”.

Observed Powers of Lohan’s behaviour:

"In the chauffeured Lincoln Navigator, it was all about puffing Parliament Lights and Miami chitchat with her entourage. Lindsay traveled with a revolving pack of pseudo-chaperones, whose most responsible member was her 17-year-old sister, Aliana."


So they tried to send a car to pick her up. They needed to get Lohan, at least in person, in front of the journalist in order to be able to cobble together like, maybe a quote or two? No. She couldn’t get her sh-t together.

“Even Aliana departed, but Lindsay wouldn’t end the party ... it was like watching the lights come on at a nightclub after-hours -- not pretty.”

What’s the writer trying to tell you that she can’t say out loud?

The writer is telling you that that stupid piece of sh-t Lindsay Lohan drags her underage sister around with her and uses her as a foil: “I’m sober; I just spend time with my little sister, my family members”. Meanwhile her little sister sits around and watches her get wasted.

Powers put this piece together because she had nothing else to go on. Lohan bailed and this article then became an observation piece. Works for me!

What was Lohan like at the photo shoot?

"Lindsay’s aura -- while professional -- seemed almost melancholy. She was pretty and talented, albeit a little sad and weary. And constantly looking for drama, whether it was picking a fight with her younger sister ... or freaking out over a lost pair of Zanotti heels."

As for all those claims that she’s changed, that she’s willing to work hard, that she knows she has to earn it all over again?

Powers offers this anecdote:

"As we pulled up to the Fontainebleau, a bright-orange parking cone was blocking the entrance. Not accustomed to waiting, apparently, she lowered the car’s window and shouted, 'Move that cone. I’m Lindsay Lohan.' And it was done. This foreshadowed the arrogance and demanding personality she exhibited as her sweet-girl façade started slipping."


Just in case you actually thought that she could change. Just in case you actually thought this time it’s for real.

And finally...

An As IF from Lohan...

She apparently told Powers that she:

"...took ballet until she was 19 and was indignant that she was not considered for the movie Black Swan."

As IF she could have had the discipline to stay off the crank long enough to make that movie.

As IF she could have stayed unbloated for long enough to be ballerina lifted through production.

As IF she could have worked on a film with such a limited budget they cut many of the usual actor perks.

As IF she can still ACT.

As IF anyone can even remember!!!

Attached below: this is Lindsay Lohan on the cover of ELLE in 2005. Look at that. Right around the time when it started derailing. What a waste of a face. Of a life.




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