Squawking Chicken Articles
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
It is the Year of the Goat/Sheep. For some signs, when your year comes around, it’s not a great turn on the cycle. For example, if you’re a Tiger, your worst year is the Year of the Tiger. Because of how Chinese astrology perceives the nature of a Tiger: ferocious. When a Tiger meets a Tiger then, there can be no peace. There’s a saying in Chinese: no two Tigers can exist together in one place. That’s why the Tiger year is so sh-t for those who are born Tigers. Their instinct is to rip each other apart.
Chinese astrology, however, ascribes a very different temperament to the Goat/Sheep: gentle. Which means the Goat won’t hurt the Goat. Not much to be concerned about here. Maybe some minor challenges, like parking tickets or harmless fines – issues with authority, it sounds like – so you should still get your blood checked and teeth cleaned but overall, it won’t suck. Read Full Intro
It’s New Year’s Eve. You ready?
Change your sheets tonight. Wash your hair too. No hair washing starting tomorrow and, if you can, at least until the weekend. Can’t wash away the New Year Luck, right?
So today we profile those born in the Year of the Pig and the Year of the Dog. The Pig is the last of the three lucky signs during the Year of the Goat/Sheep alongside the Rabbit and the Rooster. In May and June though, for Pigs, you have to watch your money. And just because you’re luckier than most this year it’s not an excuse to be condescending or to get cocky. Especially since in September and October you could run into some minor legal issues. Also in September and October, be extra mindful of your health and your family’s health.
As I mentioned yesterday, our rainbow butterfly, Mimi Carey, was born in the Year of the Dog. Read Full Intro
If it was a long weekend for you as it was for me (Family Day in parts of Canada/Presidents Day in the US), I hope you’re rested. Because, finally, it’s Oscar Week!
Chinese New Year on Thursday!
We have a few more signs to get through before then. And since we missed yesterday, we’re doubling up today on the Monkey and the Rooster.
For those born in the Year of the Monkey, “STEADY” is your word during the Goat/Sheep. Keep everything level. No risks. No major decisions. For example, this might not be the best time to buy a house. Everything requires careful consideration this year because you’re getting ready for next year, the Year of the Monkey. So, instead of being aggressive, you’re conserving all of it – your money, your energy. Read Full Intro
Rachel McAdams continued to work on True Detective Season 2 yesterday in LA. Rachel’s Chinese astrological sign is Horse. The Chinese Squawking Chicken says there’s not too much to be concerned about for the Horse during the Year of the Goat/Sheep. In fact, this year, the Horse will benefit from two Lucky Stars who could help them at work – a promotion and/or a raise is very possible. It’s an entrepreneurial year for the Horse, a good time to go into business. Which means it’ll be a busy year that might involve a lot of travel.
If you’re a Horse and you find yourself frustrated, unhappy, if there are challenges that you can’t seem to find solutions to…
Book a holiday. Don’t stay home and dwell on it. Your answers will come to you when you’re away. Read Full Intro
If you think the Best Actor Oscar race between Michael Keaton and Eddie Redmayne is too close to call, will this change your mind? Michael Keaton is a Rabbit.
During the Year of the Goat/Sheep, only 3 signs out of the 12 signs are on a luck run. The Rabbit is one of them. No major warnings then from the Chinese Squawking Chicken. Still, don’t get too comfortable, don’t coast, and don’t tempt fate. Like, just because you’re riding a streak it doesn’t mean you should fight every fight for the sake of winning it. Don’t sweat the small sh-t or turn petty drama into a big deal. Because that’s a waste of luck on things that don’t matter. Here’s an example ma gave me to pass along: let’s say you filed some paperwork, some documentation, and it gets f-cked up, a clerical error, whatever, and it’s a pain in the ass to fix it, like you might have to spend an hour on hold clarifying some details. Read Full Intro
You know who was at the Grammys with hardly a mention? Courteney Cox. Maybe you didn’t recognise her. I wish she had chosen a better pair of shoes.
Anyway, that’s my not very subtle segue to Dragons. Courteney Cox was born in the Year of the Dragon. And it’s the Dragon’s turn today. According to my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, the Year of the Goat/Sheep won’t suck for the Dragon (which is why she hasn’t devoted a lot of energy to an extensive review; for her, she focuses on the signs and situations that require most concern; nobody needs to be prepared for good things to happen), although male Dragons will be luckier than females. If you’re looking for one, the best pet for a Dragon is a turtle. Chinese Astrology is random, I know.
The most vulnerable time for Dragons this year will be from the first week of October to the first week of November. Read Full Intro
Did you know that both Taylor Swift and Kanye West were born in the Year of the Snake? If you’re a Snake too, here’s what my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, is advising for the Year of the Goat/Sheep:
Might not be the best year for personal relationships and, in particular, business relationships could be strained.
You need to be mindful of injury. Be very careful between the first week of March and the first week of April. And again between the first week of May and the first week of June. Those would be the ideal times to donate blood or to get your blood checked and/or see the dentist.
As for Taylor and Kanye, what would the Grammys have been without the two of them? You complain… but if you took them away from the action, considering that show was almost FOUR HOURS LONG, there would have been a lot less entertainment, a lot less for us to gossip about. Read Full Intro
Wednesday was the Start of Spring on the Chinese calendar meaning it’s now officially the Year of the Goat/Sheep (even though Chinese New Year is on February 19th). That day I posted a Squawking Chicken (my ma) advisory for those born in the Year of the Ox. The Goat/Sheep is the opposing sign of the Ox…which means that the Ox (and that includes me) is in for some sh-t. Click here for a refresher.
I’ve had several follow-up Ox emails since that post. Most commonly, you’re asking about being a pregnant Ox in the Year of the Goat/Sheep and giving birth to a Goat/Sheep. The Squawking Chicken’s recommendation: Godparents. But make sure your child’s godparents are NOT born Ox. Read Full Intro
On the Chinese calendar, today is the Start of Spring. Which means that, technically, the Year of the Horse is over and the Year of the Goat/Sheep has begun. Chinese New Year is on February 19. But the astrological year actually kicks off today. I know it’s confusing but we live by the moon.
Anyway, every Chinese zodiac sign has its sign of opposition. Last year, the Horse was sh-tty for Rats. In the Year of the Goat/Sheep, it’s the Ox who will have it rough.
That’s me. And some of you too.
As she always does, my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, has some advice if you’re an Ox:
Get your teeth cleaned or your blood checked in March. I can’t get into too much detail about why but it can’t hurt to see the dentist and/or go for a physical. Read Full Intro
Andrew Goodman/ Getty Images
I feel like I know more about this wedding than the Kanye West wedding. That said, you know who would agree with making the wedding as big of a f-cking deal as possible and broadcasting it far and wide? My ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken. It’s a celebration. You don’t hide a celebration in a corner. Full Story
Jackie Chan was in London yesterday promoting his film Chinese Zodiac. Look at him. I have been looking at him, watching him, since I was probably 2 years old. I’m 40 now. HE’S EXACTLY THE SAME. Ginseng > Botox. Maybe some snake blood too. He only takes one day off a year. Full Story
It’s the luckiest day of the year on the Chinese calendar:
So what are you doing? Are you going to a wedding? Naturally, I’m having dinner with my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken. Speaking of the Squawking Chicken…
My book, Listen To The Squawking Chicken, comes out in paperback in Canada on October 28! There was a cover vote last week to pick the paperback face. Thank you for letting us know your opinion. I’ve attached the winning version. The paperback will include new content: an interview with the Squawking Chicken, feng shui tips, and some more information about the process of writing it. Click here Read Full Intro
Here are Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield at the big New York premiere of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 last night, likely the last major carpet they’ll walk together in support of this movie, and maybe this franchise? I haven’t seen it. But, you know, you know what they say about Gwen Stacy. Full Story
Wenn, Kevin Winter/ Handout/ Getty
Now that I'm moving to Toronto, I'll be able to take my ma to the movies. The process of taking the Chinese Squawking Chicken to the movies is, I imagine, kinda like taking a child to the movies in that your selection has to be very particular. For kids, no violence, no profanity, etc. For the Squawking Chicken, we avoid the talky ones, because she doesn't understand the language and also because she hates when people are long-winded, which rules out dramas. Full Story