Golden Globes 2009 Articles

Globes Worst Makeup: Drew Barrymore

January 12, 2009 08:47:53 Posted at January 12, 2009 08:47:53
Lainey Posted by Lainey

She was a hot mess last night. In every sense. So it’s a testament to her beauty that she did not look ugly. But that dress was a cheap disaster. And the grey eye shadow, oh la. Too much, too obvious, too desperate. Grey Gardens. We get it. The gays all get it. But makeup is makeup. It’s not a f-cking movie promotion. Full Story

Globes Best Friend: Tom Cruise

January 12, 2009 08:40:52 Posted at January 12, 2009 08:40:52
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The GMD – he was Mr Popular last night, wasn’t he? Could not WAIT til commercial break, at which point he apparently launched himself up out of his chair in a mad dash to talk to Leo, to Kate, to Steven, to Clint, to anyone who would meet his mother. Bitch is f-cked up and weird but you have to admire the effort. Full Story

Globes Worst Black: Renee Zellweger

January 12, 2009 08:29:01 Posted at January 12, 2009 08:29:01
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Most will probably be naming her Worst Dressed today. But that’s too easy. And it’s also unappreciative. Because some choices are so spectacularly bad, they serve to entertain and the assyness of Renee Zellweger last night was amazing. We should be thanking her. You were gaping, right? You called up your gay and squealed, right? Once every carpet, a dress will do that. Full Story

Globes Best Black: Evan Rachel Wood

January 12, 2009 08:17:00 Posted at January 12, 2009 08:17:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

She’s over Marilyn Manson. She escaped (somewhat) unscathed. She was only 18 at the time. Lured by dark clichés and inexperience, the desire of every teenage girl to seem older, to be taken seriously… the mistakes of youth, should they be held against her forever? I think she knew not what she was doing. Full Story

Globes Best White: Kate Beckinsale

January 12, 2009 08:01:00 Posted at January 12, 2009 08:01:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Two for two… well done. Let’s give it to her because she wanted it so badly. The pinched expression on her face gives it away. Shades of her best friend Posh. Please, please, please tell me I’m stylish! I slaved all day to be stylish! And the poor thing…she had to present with that megalomaniacal buffoon P Diddy dick ass who practically pushed her off the stage when he was speaking. Full Story

Globes Worst White: Eva Mendes

January 12, 2009 07:56:14 Posted at January 12, 2009 07:56:14
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Her necklace, yes. But she looks the same. Over and over again, she’s wearing the same strapless dress in a different colour and her hair’s up and teased with a fringe…again. That’s the thing about this girl. She’s so attractive and yet she totally fades into the background. Full Story

Globes Best Homey: Kate Winslet

January 12, 2009 07:50:00 Posted at January 12, 2009 07:50:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Leo calls her his homey. Kate Winslet is everyone’s homey. Well, except maybe Angelina Jolie. Heh. In all fairness, though it doesn’t matter because you hate the Jolie more than anyone else and that’s all you can see… Kate actually COMPLETELY FORGOT to mention Anne Hathaway. Like TOTALLY BLANKED. Full Story

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Globes Best Colour: Cameron Diaz

January 12, 2009 07:44:17 Posted at January 12, 2009 07:44:17
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Oh Zoe. I love. And she can pull off the pink, non? It was Chanel. Wrinkly and a little messy, and totally perfectly beach girl Cammie D. But… The shoes. Pink and silver like a birthday party. Or the must-have wedding motif circa 2002. Ugh. It’s what prevented Cameron Diaz, for me, from shutting it down. Full Story

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Globes Worst Colour: Eva Longoria

January 12, 2009 07:34:53 Posted at January 12, 2009 07:34:53
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Like, why does she even matter anymore? Why is she presenting? Who cares? It’s Eva Longoria! She’s the afterthought in the Posh/Katie/Beckinsale friend posse. She’s the hanger-on at the party. She’s totally 2004. And she’s a pageant girl forever. Holy mother of Vanessa Minnillo – what the f-ck is she wearing??? This is the kind of sh-t that should earn a lifetime ban. Full Story

Globe Neutrals: Demi/Pene/Salma

January 12, 2009 07:31:03 Posted at January 12, 2009 07:31:03
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Wasn’t feeling it. All those neutrals, nudes, and light grey. Meh. Even Salma who is ordinarily spectacular. Meh. The ageless Demi, perhaps the best of the boring because of her great hair and Ashton is a babe, but still… meh. And Penelope Cruz especially. Washed her out. And I’m done with the teasing at the crown with her bangs. Full Story

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Globes Best Nicole Kidman: Amy Adams

January 12, 2009 07:19:00 Posted at January 12, 2009 07:19:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Moulin Rouge was on tv the other night. I’d forgotten. How much I love it. Moulin Rouge is sublime. And Nicole Kidman 7 years ago… this is why I loved her then. Before she went apesh-t with the freezing, before she decided to permanently immobilise her face, before her forehead became the tundra… Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge was exuberant and electrifying and gorgeous. Full Story