Oscar Portman

February 23, 2009 09:56:00 Posted at February 23, 2009 09:56:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

My husband is making me post this. You know, my husband who looks like a frog? Quick aside about what he does look like.


Many of my friends have recently remarked John Mayer.

You cannot imagine my agony. Honestly, HONESTLY I’d rather him look like a frog.

Anyway, Natalie Portman is on his Freebie Five. Every time she goes anywhere he’s like –why don’t you write about her. And I’m like – don’t tell me what to write. And he’s like – yeah but she’s hot. And I’m like – then why don’t you go ogle her. You have access to the agency sites, go look at them yourself. And he’s like – yeah, but it’s added stimulation when you put it in words. And I’m like – so now I’m authoring your literary porn?

This is marriage.

And this is Natalie last night in pink and vibrant on the carpet.

I… don’t love the hair. But I did love the fit. And I especially loved her gait. She walks like a lady but not like a lady with a pole up her ass. She also doesn’t wear much makeup. So if you run into her on the subway, she won’t be walking around with a different face.

Also – her bit with Ben Stiller. It wasn’t just him. It wouldn’t have worked without HER. And you know how great she was on SNL a couple of years ago. And this is what makes little Natalie Portman #1 on the husband’s list. Underneath there’s a girl with a subversive sense of humour.

There. You see? I have fulfilled my wifely obligation.

Photos from Flynetonline.com and Wenn.com and Gettyimages.com

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