Remember when I wrote yesterday that I was banking some goodwill?
Here's why: having surgery on my arm this morning. For those of you who are new to this blog, I f-cked it up in Cannes in 2008 after Mischa Barton bailed on an appearance that we were supposed to be covering. Click here for the full story. I blame her.
Anyway, at the time they inserted a rod to reattach my elbow which had fractured off and was floating away down my forearm. The rod itself is now, sort of, sliding out. See it on the x-rays? How close it is to my skin?
So I have to be at the hospital at 7am. Surgery starts at 10am, is expected to last 90 minutes if all goes as planned. And I'm going under which means there's a 3 hour recovery before they'll let me go home.
What I'm trying to say is that I can't blog today. Which sucks because Leonardo DiCaprio had his publicist issue a statement to let you know that he's single because people really want to believe he and Rihanna are doing it. Well, now I'm offended. His entire career there have been rumours up and down that he's banging this model or that model. There were a LOT of rumours that he was banging Miranda Kerr, remember? When she was still married to Orlando Bloom too. If there was any time to issue a statement, that would have been it. Silence from him then, though. But he can't handle a few weeks of speculation that he's hooking up with Rihanna? Everyone wants to hook up with Rihanna! Why the shame, asshole?
See? I'd much rather be working today. Unfortunately I couldn't get a late afternoon surgery appointment.
The surgeon says I should be good to go tomorrow though, back to writing, back to everything.
Sorry for the interruption to your gossip schedule and for the inconvenience.
Yours in gossip,
Did you know that it’s Chinese Valentine’s Day on Thursday? The Chinese Squawking Chicken gave me a list love matches and mismatches that I’ll post later this week.
Speaking of the Squawking Chicken…
I wrote a book called Listen To The Squawking Chicken that was released last year. THANK YOU for helping to make it a national bestseller! Today is the launch of the trade paperback with a brand new cover AND bonus content that includes an interview with my ma, the Squawking Chicken, and Feng Shui tips, and an FAQ, and more. You voted on the colour – here it is! For more details, please click here.
Would you like a copy? We’re giving away 10 copies. Read Full Intro
Eagle Eyes/ Splash, Paul Zimmerman/ Neilson Barnard/ Kevin Mazur/ Dimitrios Kambouris/ Getty Images
Idris Elba is shooting a new series of Luther. IDRIS ELBA IS SHOOTING A NEW SERIES OF LUTHER!!! At least that’s what the paps are saying. Oh, and guess what? Gidget is in it! That’s Rose Leslie, from Game Of Thrones. Because I can never say her character’s name. Idris & Gidget! Over in New York last night, some major stars showed up for the SeriousFun Children’s network: Meryl Streep, Tom Hanks, George Clooney, Danny DeVito, all smiles, friendly and fun with each other, but no Amal. Full Story
James Devaney/ Getty Images
Will Smith’s career over the last few years has been kind of a sh*t show. In between foisting his offspring on an unsuspecting public he’s starred in a series of bad movies (Men in Black III, After Earth, Winter’s Tale), and he lost some public goodwill along the way—as evidenced by his diminishing box office returns Full Story
I would have paid as much for this show as I would to see Britney Spears lip-synch and half-dance (Dlisted)
Natalie Dormer is so sexy in this video (Just Jared)
The font for ORGASMS is bigger than Hilary Duff’s name (The Superficial)
Benedict Cumberbatch is on his honeymoon (Cele|bitchy)
Come on. Taylor Swift really does a LOT for her fans (Too Fab)
Love this Selena Gomez Adidas gear (Hollywood Tuna)
Will Smith’s updated prom photo (Towleroad)
Princess Catherine in Erdem (Pop Sugar)
Great jacket and glasses on Gwen Stefani (Popoholic)
This f-cking fringe on Lea Michele (Go Fug Yourself)
AKM-GSI/ INFphoto.com/ Splash, Robin Marchant/ Getty Images
Don’t you get the impression that Isaiah Michael Fisher is going to be called “Isaiah Michael Fisher” all the time? Like all three names, as an official label, like ‘William of Windsor’? Carrie Underwood has named her baby Isaiah Michael, and I cannot actually find a problem with it. Full Story
NBC/ Getty Images
Ryan Reynolds on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. I’m not totally sure what he’s promoting. But he’s a great talk show guest. Good energy, quippy, fun, and he’s hilarious during Egg Roulette, which might be the best game Fallon has on his list. And it’s already a really strong list. Full Story
Pacific Coast News
It’s been a month since Tom Brady and the Patriots won the Super Bowl. These are the first shots of them together since. They were in New York on Sunday with the kids, living their perfect life of perfection, where the word “enough” doesn’t exist in their vocabulary. What can I say here? There is no combination of words that will ever be perfect enough to describe how perfect they are… Except, wait, maybe… Maybe the way he wears his pants. Full Story
The question, when watching Serena, is “Where did this go wrong?” Shot in 2012, it re-teamed proven screen couple Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence for an adaptation of Ron Rash’s novel directed by Susanne Bier, an award-winning Danish filmmaker. There’s a lot of talent on both sides of the camera in Serena, so why did it sit on the shelves for three years before getting a hasty, barely-there release? Answer: “Because it’s a mess featuring bad performances. Full Story
I’m trying to bank some goodwill with you so here’s the second blind in two days. You’ll understand tomorrow. Motherhood hasn’t slowed her down. Not professionally and definitely not when she parties. I mean, some people can use recreationally and it doesn’t become a problem. Full Story
Jacopo Raule/ Venturelli/ Robino Salvatore/ Getty Images
I didn’t have particularly high hopes for Everly, because I’ve seen director Joe Lynch’s other feature film, Knights of Badassdom, and it’s a mess. I thought at best, Everly would be a B-movie Kill Bill knock-off, at worst it would be forgettable junk, like The Purge. But then Everly did the nearly impossible and surpassed even my worst expectations. Full Story