Globe Fontrum: Natalie Portman

January 17, 2011 11:06:27 Posted at January 17, 2011 11:06:27
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It’s official.

It’s over.

The love affair, the affection, the girl crush, Natalie Portman…it’s over.

Motherf-CK she was annoying. From the French Twist, to the pink sateen towel, to that red rose, and then the Tender Moment…

Did you see the Tender Moment?

Her name is called. She gets up to kiss her Kevin Federline with the sh-t nest on his head, and then gazes up at him adoringly through her eyelashes…

Which precedes of course the speech that will go down in Fontrum history as the most Rossum of all time.

“Creating a creation of creating life creations” and the miracle babies and the pregnancy fulfillment and the wonderment of the growing angel …

As Michelle noted, the people who talk like that are the same people who would put a sign like this over the crib:

“BECAUSE TWO PEOPLE LOVED EACH OTHER”

In needlepoint.

What’s up Natalie Portman?

Someone is officially stalking an Oscar. Duana posited that she might be stalking it by getting preg on purpose. I don’t know if I’d take it that far. But I do know that Duana, ugh, was right again. About her. She has never been able to stomach Natalie Portman. And she was vindicated – spectacularly – tonight…as all the mommies at the MiniVan prayer circle are holding hands and proclaiming a new idol.

Next time she says she keeps her public life and her private one separate, you tell her to jump up your ass.




Photos from Wenn.com and Handout/Jason Merritt/Gettyimages.com

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