Squawking Chicken Articles
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I feel like I know more about this wedding than the Kanye West wedding. That said, you know who would agree with making the wedding as big of a f-cking deal as possible and broadcasting it far and wide? My ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken. It’s a celebration. You don’t hide a celebration in a corner. Full Story
Jackie Chan was in London yesterday promoting his film Chinese Zodiac. Look at him. I have been looking at him, watching him, since I was probably 2 years old. I’m 40 now. HE’S EXACTLY THE SAME. Ginseng > Botox. Maybe some snake blood too. He only takes one day off a year. Full Story
It’s the luckiest day of the year on the Chinese calendar:
So what are you doing? Are you going to a wedding? Naturally, I’m having dinner with my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken. Speaking of the Squawking Chicken…
My book, Listen To The Squawking Chicken, comes out in paperback in Canada on October 28! There was a cover vote last week to pick the paperback face. Thank you for letting us know your opinion. I’ve attached the winning version. The paperback will include new content: an interview with the Squawking Chicken, feng shui tips, and some more information about the process of writing it. Click here Read Full Intro
Here are Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield at the big New York premiere of The Amazing Spider-Man 2 last night, likely the last major carpet they’ll walk together in support of this movie, and maybe this franchise? I haven’t seen it. But, you know, you know what they say about Gwen Stacy. Full Story
Wenn, Kevin Winter/ Handout/ Getty
Now that I'm moving to Toronto, I'll be able to take my ma to the movies. The process of taking the Chinese Squawking Chicken to the movies is, I imagine, kinda like taking a child to the movies in that your selection has to be very particular. For kids, no violence, no profanity, etc. For the Squawking Chicken, we avoid the talky ones, because she doesn't understand the language and also because she hates when people are long-winded, which rules out dramas. Full Story
My ma always says -- some people bring you good luck, and other people will suck away all your luck. Chinese astrology has a lot to do with it. Every sign has its opposing sign. I, for example, am an ox. It would be terrible if I had married someone born under the sheep sign. If you have to, if that’s who you happen to fall in love with, then the wedding date becomes critical. Full Story
Duana showed me a video a couple of years ago. It’s the only time I’ve ever related to John Mayer, regardless of whether or not it was staged. Mayer’s on the phone, trying to walk his father through a computer issue. He grows increasingly frustrated, his voice gets higher and higher, and the situation becomes more maddening...
Because, and I know you know this, parents + technology is a formula for suicide. Especially if your parents are immigrants. Especially if your mother is a Chinese Squawking Chicken.
So...my ma just learned how to text. See the attachment below. That was her first text to me yesterday. She followed this up with: HI R U WANT ORANGE?
From now on, unexpectedly, my ma will be able to drop into my life, in all caps, and cryptically critique my body or offer me produce. Read Full Intro
The Year Of The Dragon: 1928, 1940, 1952, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012. (If your birthday is between late January and mid-February though, check your exact birthday here to see if you fell in between the lunar phases that particular year and may be a different sign.)
If you are new to the site, every year my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, has a few suggestions to offer and protection charms to give away. This year was particularly challenging as she’s been hospitalised since April but last weekend my dad took her to the Chinese place where such things can be procured. And now there are 12 of them. More on this later.
If you are of the Dragon sign, this year will not be a particularly smooth one. That’s just how the cycle works. So it means you may not want to invest aggressively. Read Full Intro
Wenn, Johns PKI/Splash
My ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, as you know if you’ve been reading my blog long enough, is all about feng shui and energy and protecting yourself against the bad sh-t. One time we looked at house on the market that turned out to be “dirty”, and for weeks afterwards, that spirit would not leave me. Full Story
Let this be awesome. I feel like it could be SO awesome. And I am so exciting* for it I might have to punch myself in the face. Here are Annette Bening and Kristen Wiig on the set of Imogene. Described as a “dark comedy”, Imogene features Kristen’s character as a writer who pretends to kill herself because she wants her boyfriend to get back together with her. Full Story
Only the Brange can get away with this kind of PDA. And even if we disagree on everything, I think we can all agree that Kelsey Grammer is not Brad Pitt. But here he is the other day in New York, strolling down the street like it’s a photo shoot, with his brand new 29 year old fiancée Kayte White, like puppy love looks good on a 55 year old embroiled in a public bitter divorce battle. Full Story