Jessica Simpson used to date Tony Romo, the sh-tty quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. Romo is now married to Candice Crawford. He and Crawford were engaged within a month of Porny’s engagement to that loser with no job who lives in her house. Porny, quite obviously, is pregnant. And Romo just announced Full Story

Straight through. I had to break it up 45 seconds at a time. Because the Fontrum, Jesus, I mean they say everything is bigger in Texas, and, well, that applies to Fontrum too. Anyway, maybe you can stand it better than I can. Maybe you can make it all the way through and if this is indeed the case, you have a much stronger stomach. Full Story

A few of you have emailed lately – something about my Porny getting her heart broken again. Is it because she’s gone a week or two without being photographed with her freeloader? Please. He’s not going anywhere. Why work, or study, or try when Jessica Simpson is offering to provide? Here they are yesterday, travelling from Los Angeles to New York, all smiles, and maybe even a little smug in the face about Tony Romo sucking all kinds of sh-t on Sunday. Full Story

My Porny Simpson attended the White House Correspondents’ Dinner this weekend. I supposed it’s not the worst thing she’s ever put on. But still...with the light bouncing off all that yellow sateen, it’s like a f-cking boob eclipse. And she doesn’t exactly look young and fresh. Full Story

Porny was so cute and casual and pretty yesterday at the airport. Click here for a refresher. However, as I noted at the end of that article: “But watch, tomorrow on the talk shows she’ll be back to what they make her: too old and too tacky. Full Story

Jessica Simpson continues to hook up and break up with men who humiliate her. As if it wasn’t enough that he dumped her the night before her birthday, Us Weekly reports that Tony Romo apparently also announced the break up to everyone living in his gated community, informing security that she was no longer to be allowed access to his home in Dallas which is why a sign at the entrance has been posted that reads: "RED ALERT!!! TONY ROMO HAS MADE SOME CHANGES TO HIS LIST OF PEOPLE ALLOWED IN. Full Story

We are helping? As imaginary friends of Jessica Simpson, I think our work is working. No more articles on People.com from “friends” describing that she’s sad and mopey and a total loser sitting on her mom’s couch drunk texting Tony Romo. Instead, two sightings in a row that reflect a more pulled-together, more positive, more defiant Jessica. Full Story

Good. Porny is going back to the gym. She wallowed in her jammies for a couple of weeks after Tony Romo bailed on her and now, obviously, she called up Ken Paves, told him to do her hair, had a makeup artist come by and apply the “natural” look, and made arrangements to be photographed emerging from break up hell. Full Story

Why did Romo walk out on Porny? According to Radar John Mayer’s been f-cking around again. Word is everything between Jessica Simpson and QB1 was great…until last Thursday when he found out that Douchebag was still texting her. Full Story

Oh no. Oh girl, oh no. I am still not Jessica Simpson’s friend. Neither are you. So we can’t help her. And she will need help. A LOT of help. People.com is reporting that she’s been dumped by Tony Romo again. Full Story

She knew we needed her. And she delivered, just like Mimi. Tiger Woods held his pro am yesterday in DC and invited Tony Romo. With Romo came Porny. She tucked her bits into a tight striped dress and sang the national anthem. LOVE what was written on the Washington Post blog Full Story

It’s like that episode of Sex & the City – Miranda rediscovers her skinny jeans. Most women are familiar: we have fat jeans and we have skinny jeans. Fat jeans for when we suck. Skinny jeans for when we don’t suck as much. Jessica Simpson, since that amazing performance at the country chilli cookoff a few months ago, has been keeping a relatively low profile, especially the last few weeks. Full Story

She’s maintained a very low profile since completing her country tour. But with the confirmation last week that she’d been dumped by her country label, yet another Fail notch on her Fail Bait, it was time to show face and stick her chin up and out. Never let them know you’re down. Which is why Papa Joe dragged Porny’s ass out to Beso the other night for a family dinner. Full Story

Oh Porny. Am told by sources exclusively that Jessica Simpson fired her band last week after suspending the tour. She’s taking a year off. Which essentially means the label doesn’t want her, that country music doesn’t want her, that she needs to find something else to do. And if it’s up to her father that could mean making money representing weight loss companies. Full Story