One step forward, five steps back. Oh Porny. Don’t you have a mirror? On Friday night, Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo took her tits out for dinner at the Waverly Inn. She looks like she can barely walk. She looks like she can barely breathe! Apparently the sight of her heaving cans were meant however to distract from the housecoat she decided to wear as a dress. Full Story

So proud of her! She’s just so dumb, it’s extra rewarding when she gets something right. Oh good girl! So Porny performed at Madison Square Garden last night opening for Rascal Flatts. Someone seems to have stepped in because lately, lately the clothing has been accentuating her strong parts and camouflaging the other ones. Full Story

Let me help! TMZ is reporting that during a performance last night in Grand Rapids, Michigan, our Porny supposedly exhibited signs of emotional distress. According to locals, one of the indications was that she forgot the lyrics to her own song Come On Over. Full Story

There is no hate-on for Porny. Quite the opposite actually. Over time, my black ass heart has opened for Jessica Simpson out of sheer pity. She doesn’t mean unwell. She’s not poorly intentioned. But she was raised, well, you know, by a dude who freely talks about her D cups. And without friends, without girls like us, she really never had a chance to be a girl like us. Full Story

As her friend, I’m happy for her. Like the good friend vibes are working, you know? Just because we don’t speak, doesn’t mean the energy isn’t there. Celebrities talk about “energy” all the time. We’ve all been sending her the true friend energy, right? The energy to avoid high waisted pants. Full Story

Tony Romo is very, very serious about Jessica Simpson. Because he’s implying that she’s much more than just a girlfriend. The message is that she’s almost a wife. Like a common-law wife, wifely enough to be included in the 2008 Cowboys Family Cookbook presented by “the wives of the Dallas Cowboys”. Full Story

She’s actually not porny at all here. What she is is very, very pretty. Always pretty when she’s not tackied up. Jessica accompanied Tony Romo back to Dallas this weekend after celebrating new year’s in Miami, trying to help him forget about his embarrassing three turnovers that led to the Cowboys loss to the Philadelphia Eagles that kept them out of the playoffs. Full Story

She continues to soldier on – promoting her country album Do You Know at almost every stop in New York. Last night it was Letterman and two wardrobe changes. First a black Herve Leger and peep toe Loubies which she wore on the show and then a long sleeve bore as she was leaving. I like the Herve. Full Story

Porny… please! A new week, a new example – Jessica Simpson needs a girlfriend. But I can’t be there every minute of every day, watching her every move, correcting every cocked up thing she says. At some point she has to learn independence. You have to let them fly on their own. Unfortunately she’s clearly not ready. Full Story

Tony Romo bought a new house in Dallas: over 5,000 sq ft, 5 bedrooms, a rec room , and a pool in a gated community with a golf course. Nice. Even better? The price! Only $700K! Why only? Because here in Vancouver, where real estate is becoming criminal, $700K MIGHT be able to buy you a 2 bedroom townhouse on the west side – 1,200 sq ft MAX with no outdoor space. Full Story

It’s like… it’s like she’s never, ever been to a sleepover, you know? The truth reveals itself much too often: Jessica Simpson has no girlfriends. No true girlfriends. No true back up. No girls with whom to discuss strategy – either via group session at lunch, or these days on IM, and as we do lately, via Skype. Full Story

You know how it is: Girl sh*t is the best sh*t. And I love a good bitch. But a bitch who hides her bitch under the guise of country wholesome sweetness? That bitch is more like a capital C. We’re speaking of course of Carrie Underwood – her assy antics are well known to those in Nashville. Full Story

NFL preseason kicked off last week. The Dallas Cowboys opened with a loss to San Diego and while preseason games don’t count for anything, needless to say, a team needs to work out its kinks before the real action begins in September. This is Tony Romo with Jessica Simpson at Nobu in Malibu last night. Full Story

The effort is there...but so is the cheese. Granted, it’s over the top corny and I’m the bitch who’s dead inside. So most of the time, as soon as I hear the words “cherish” and “heart” in the same sentence, it’s an excuse to head to the casino. Anything is an excuse to head to the casino. Full Story