Fontrum Articles

GOOPy’s trainer kisses so much ass

March 30, 2011 08:42:00 Posted at March 30, 2011 08:42:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

As you know, Gwyneth Paltrow is running a fitness business now with her trainer Tracy Anderson. They’ve been slowly recruiting some high profile clients including Jessica Simpson, Ellen Pompeo, and now Nicole Richie and Jennifer Lopez. The workouts now have become a giant group pimp. Here’s Nicole leaving the gym on Monday. Full Story

Begging for Movie Stars

March 28, 2011 07:10:07 Posted at March 28, 2011 07:10:07
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Written by Sarah If you follow this site regularly, you’ve probably heard Lainey and the rest of us lamenting the death of the Movie Star. And it’s true—Movie Stars, in capital letters, are a dying breed. They’re few and far between these days. Full Story

More Portman Fontrum

January 19, 2011 13:01:05 Posted at January 19, 2011 13:01:05
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Her acceptance speech during the Golden Globes brought on the hate. But, apparently, there was more… In post-event frenzy, I missed this article. Thanks to Tenika for sending it over. Natalie Portman was asked about her pregnancy exercise regimen backstage on awards night. Her reply was full Fontrum Rossum. Full Story

Globe Fontrum: Natalie Portman

January 17, 2011 11:06:27 Posted at January 17, 2011 11:06:27
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It’s official. It’s over. The love affair, the affection, the girl crush, Natalie Portman…it’s over. Motherf-CK she was annoying. From the French Twist, to the pink sateen towel, to that red rose, and then the Tender Moment… Did you see the Tender Moment? Her name is called. Full Story

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Globes Same Old: Nicole Kidman

January 17, 2011 08:00:00 Posted at January 17, 2011 08:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I don’t know… I feel like I’ve seen this look from her so many times before. Ivory, form fitting, and, frankly, when it comes to Granny Freeze and a one shoulder, nothing beats her own at the Costume Institute Gala in 2003. Click here to see. Full Story

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What’s with the white?

December 15, 2010 08:09:00 Posted at December 15, 2010 08:09:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

My G wore white again to the Hollywood premiere of Country Strong last night. We already know she has too much superiority up her ass. Is this really the way to convince us that she can play country-worn, fragile on the outside but on the inside is something you can’t crush? If anything, at least in that dress, all we remember is that that’s Gwyneth Paltrow, always the thinnest and the tallest, and the most popular. Full Story

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Manslinger bikes and sings

September 22, 2010 13:04:00 Posted at September 22, 2010 13:04:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Kate Hudson and her parents Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell went for a bike ride with boyfriend Matt Bellamy the other day in Santa Monica. Kate as you can see is wearing her New England Patriots cap. She’s a good friend of Mr Kraft. I have a friend who will not introduce her boyfriend to her parents. Full Story

Jacek you don’t give me roses

September 8, 2010 07:36:01 Posted at September 8, 2010 07:36:01
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Katie Holmes told People.com that “My husband has red roses for me everywhere I go and whenever we travel.” Jacek, we have been married almost 9 years. Thank you for the half granola bar you grudgingly shared with me this morning. And I don’t want a putter for my birthday. Full Story

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Nicole Richie’s dinner games

September 3, 2010 14:16:37 Posted at September 3, 2010 14:16:37
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Nicole Richie covers the new issue of UK InStyle. She looks great, love the styling, and the interview apparently went much better in comparison to the one she gave the Telegraph when she was in London a couple of months ago. Maybe it was because she was tired...but her bitch was out. My favourite. After all, no one ever doubted, even after having children, that Nicole Richie has some attitude. Full Story

Jennifer Aniston: one degree of Firecrotch

September 2, 2010 12:39:10 Posted at September 2, 2010 12:39:10
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Jesus. It’s too much fontrum, please make it stop. Jennifer Aniston picked up from Jessica Simpson and invited John Mayer into her bed. Last night she was out for dinner with a mystery man. Radaronline.com Full Story

Ultimate Fontrum

September 1, 2010 13:42:45 Posted at September 1, 2010 13:42:45
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I never want to be this embarrassed for someone. Because it’s uncomfortable. Embarrassment is awkward and ill-fitting, there’s no pleasure in feeling it, not when it’s related to you, or to someone else. Fontrum is the worst degree of other person embarrassment. And the worst fontrum I’ve felt in a while just happened after reading this report – from The Hollywood Reporter Full Story

Jolie Fontrum

July 7, 2010 08:28:03 Posted at July 7, 2010 08:28:03
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It’s her new interview with Parade. Parade is always safe. Parade is probably more safe than People. With Parade it’s straight up celebrity ass eating. Which is disappointing in this case because my Jolie is an asskicker who can more than hold her own in an interview and thrives on confrontation. Full Story

Yeah, the GMD would have looked good to me too

May 18, 2010 15:47:00 Posted at May 18, 2010 15:47:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Once upon a time, before she was lobotomised, Katie Holmes was engaged to Chris Klein. Then they broke up and before we could process the split, she was riding on the back of Tom Cruise’s manly man motorcycle and getting jiggy with Xenu. We have struggled to understand why Katie gave so much away. Full Story

A new Fontrum world record

May 5, 2010 12:46:46 Posted at May 5, 2010 12:46:46
Lainey Posted by Lainey

New visitors to the site keep asking me about Fontrum. Click here for the Urban Dictionary definition. Fontrum is occurring with more frequency. Because people these days have no f-cking shame. See reality television. Full Story