Hollywood Closet Articles

Travolty takes a Turkish bath

December 1, 2008 12:06:35 Posted at December 1, 2008 12:06:35
Lainey Posted by Lainey

We are balls deep in a f-cking recession and John Travolty decides to fly his private plane, with 3 passengers, all the way to Turkey to partake in a little bath time. Apparently he stayed at the Four Seasons in Sultanahmet, the express purpose of the trip was to check out the world famous “hamams” of Istanbul. Full Story

Kate, Kate, Kate and the GMD watches football

November 25, 2008 16:46:00 Posted at November 25, 2008 16:46:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It is a new world. A world the GMD is not altogether familiar with. These days, the number one movie at the box office is sold at the mall. Many malls across America. These days you have to hustle. Tom Cruise hasn’t had to hustle in a very long time. But Tom Cruise must hustle now. Valkyrie is on the brink of disaster. Full Story

Robo evolved?

November 18, 2008 18:02:11 Posted at November 18, 2008 18:02:11
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The GMD and his RoboBride celebrate 2 years of wedded bliss today. Two years ago the entire world was invited to Rome. And David Miscavige was Tom Cruise’s maid of honour. And Katie Holmes’s imprisonment continues. However despite the rumours and the bullsh-t headlines concocted by Life & Style, twice now proclaiming the end of the marriage, the GMD’s hold on KatE is as firm as ever. Full Story

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JailBait, Gay Pilots, Soul Patches, and Mr T

November 18, 2008 10:18:52 Posted at November 18, 2008 10:18:52
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Last night at the Hollywood premiere of Bolt, going head to head with Twilight at the box office this weekend. Family movies vs Vampires and Bond too. It’s a heavyweight battle. Who wins? I’ll settle for Twilight or Bond > the Gay Pilot and JailBait…you? Here’s Travolty on the carpet with Disney JailBait and her beat-me mouth and also her father Billy Ray Cyrus with that f-cking ridiculous soul patch that’s right up there with acid wash as a label for Loser. Full Story

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No spray paint!

November 14, 2008 09:48:05 Posted at November 14, 2008 09:48:05
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Just the other day he was rockin’ a bald wig on the set with Jonathan Rhys Meyers. It looked super real but guess not. Here’s the flying gaygay today at Regis & Kelly showing off the real. Full Story

Gay Pilots, Androgens, and JailBait too!

November 10, 2008 11:37:19 Posted at November 10, 2008 11:37:19
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Check out John Travolty tryin’ to rock the butch. And look how happy he is to be acting with pretty Jonathan Rhys Meyers in a new movie called From Paris with Love. Xenu’s main ‘mo apparently plays a spy. There are many high end luxe spas in Paris though they may not be familiar with his massage requests… which, as legend goes, involve a man and a finger up the ass. Full Story

Mr & Mrs Androgen

October 21, 2008 08:45:18 Posted at October 21, 2008 08:45:18
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The GMD and Robo attended a private party last night at the Hermes store in New York similarly dressed, both sexless and devoid of personality. They did however take the opportunity to show off their one tired move: the Presentation. If he wasn’t so hellbent on suppressing his gay, he’d be able to find a little more creativity. Full Story

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Becoming mainstream?

October 21, 2008 06:56:46 Posted at October 21, 2008 06:56:46
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It’s no secret in smutty circles – the suggestion has been swirling for years undercover but as is the case with stars of his stature, no one wants to take the risk of openly challenging his alleged heterosexuality. Like his good friend the GMD however, some secrets cannot be stifled. Will Smith is gay??? Shocker, right? You mean it’s not Jada in his trailer? Please. Full Story

The BoyBand Theory lives on

October 9, 2008 12:10:00 Posted at October 9, 2008 12:10:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I like Taylor Swift. She has assy hair but she seems sweet. Much sweeter than that massive bitch Carrie Underwood. So I feel badly that young Taylor Swift has had her heart broken and her gay virgin popped all in one shot. Welcome to the club, honey.Us Weekly Full Story

Harry Potter passes hot notes

October 1, 2008 06:59:11 Posted at October 1, 2008 06:59:11
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Trouble. Once the GMD gets wind of this, he’ll do whatever he can, he’ll harness the full might of Xenu to work with Daniel Radcliffe – will the Boy Who Lived be able to resist the Gay Who Tries? Turns out, DanRad is a true artist. He will do what it takes to fire up his castmates, to inspire the best performances possible, including sending quivering sex notes to his Equus co-star Lorenzo Pisonia: We're getting on very well indeed. Full Story

Matching…and Presenting!

September 29, 2008 07:33:07 Posted at September 29, 2008 07:33:07
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Seriously… Why can’t they just hold hands? Just once? The GMD took his Robo out for dinner last night and as you can see, as usual, he had to present her to the paps, guiding her like a delicate lady child to and from the restaurant. You will note they coordinated fabrics before heading out. Full Story