Porny: on cocks and babies
Jessica Simpson inadvertently revealed on Jimmy Kimmel last night that she’s having a boy. Porny is currently promoting Fashion Star, although mostly she just talks about being pregnant which, I guess, isn’t entirely her fault because when you’re pregnant, that’s all anyone ever asks you about. Like no one ever in the history of the world has ever been pregnant before. We are seemingly obsessed about something that has been happening forever. You’d think pregnancy was just invented recently.
Anyway, Porny tells Jimmy that this pregnancy has been different from her first pregnancy in that while she was carrying daughter Maxwell she felt great, but with this one she’s always tired and pukey. And then:
“I never knew that a wiener could actually make me nauseous.”
So now all the headlines are like -- Jessica Simpson expecting a boy!
Fine. It’s either a girl or a boy, what’s the big f-cking deal? It’s not even a big deal for the royals anymore seeing as they passed the Any Gender Can Be Monarch law.
What’s more interesting, to me at least, is the subtext. Because the intent of that comment wasn’t the sex of her baby. What she was trying to say was...
That she loves cock so much she never would have imagined it would make her feel sick.
That cock is normally so good it’s surprised her that her body would react like this to it.
That her experience with cock has only been pleasure so now that it isn’t pleasurable, it’s been a shock.
That cock has previously only brought wonderful, amazing, hot experiences.
In other words, in case you missed it...
JESSICA SIMPSON LOVES COCK.
Which, at this point, should be on her business card, or, straight up, her email address:
Because everything with Porny always comes back to cock.
F-ck it, why am I giving you every individual cock link to every Jessica Simpson cock article I’ve ever written? Just read the entire Jessica Simpson Category. Cock is the dominant theme. Oh wait, no. Now it’s Cocks & Babies.