Lake Bell Gossip

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LastWord

The Belle from Hell is not Heather Locklear. Belle has a better marital record, is just a smee younger, and hasn"t been stabbed in the back by someone who used to be her confidante. Sorry about the typos. Am battling a raging cold and a little delirious because I swear to Goddess my fever just broke after downing a can of TaB energy...Is that even possible? Why did it take so f&cking long to come to Canada anyway??? Fresh column soon. Til then, I am yours in gossip, Lainey

LastWord

Belle from Hell is not SJP. Belle"s partner ain"t so dandy. Also not Meg Ryan. Like this bitch would ever pollute her family by adopting one of my people…ha! And not Zeta either. Remember, I said she was from this side of the pond, and I’m in North America. Besides, CZJ is a STAR. She"s won an Oscar. Belle hasn"t won ANYTHING - not even a People"s Choice Award!!! Must run. Casino calls and visions of sugar straights and fairy flushes dancing in my head. Wish me luck and have a great weekend! Fresh column Sunday night. Til then, I am yours in gossip, Lainey

LastWord

Thanks for all your guesses re: the Belle from Hell. She is not Julia Roberts. Julia might be doing the arty thing on Broadway these days but I"d say she still owns showbiz the way few actresses can. Besides, Julia is a mega movie star. Unlike Ms Belle who has never been and will never be. Oddly enough, they do have something in common - with one multiple difference. Kim Basinger? Great guess but off target. Much less marital drama, minus the egomaniacal partner. Belle is also not Sarah Ferguson, former wife of one of those royals, I can never tell them apart but the fellow who looks much more immunised and robust than the other limp-ish sickly one. Anyway, you"re looking for someone on the other side of the pond. And finally, you can cross out Ashley Judd, although Ashley’s certainly not a stranger to the bossy game, is she? I won"t gloat here but I"m tempted. Stay here though…you’re warm. Fresh column Thursday night. Til then, I am yours in gossip, Lainey

The Belle from Hell

July 5, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at July 5, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Now here"s a bitch who needs a slap to Sunday. Sure, she"s rich. But in a town that only celebrates your recent success, what gives her the right to throw her sh*t around? Especially when the glory decade has long since wrapped? A while back, when she had reason to self celebrate, she came home to inform her hardworking personal chef that she had invited several guests over for dinner. Full Story

Britney vs Julia and the world

June 16, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at June 16, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Did she really call her kids her “booboos”??? And did she really call out Julia Roberts for being a homewrecker too? Did she really say her “maid” was a “slacker”??? I hope you watched it. Please tell me you did. A full hour of Britney – it was SO worth it. Not only for pure entertainment value but also as a public service announcement against the dangers of child stardom. Full Story

Kfed cleanshaven

May 31, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at May 31, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You think you know and then when it happens, you actually find out you don"t know at all. Because Kevin Federline decided to un-thug hisself for Item Magazine and the result has left me feeling dirtier than I did when he was still trying to be black. Highlights from the article, however, are a damn good read. Full Story

Tuesday, May 30, 2006
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Dear Gossips, As if public interest in the Family Pitt wasn"t intense enough, Shiloh"s arrival has opened up a whole new motherload of speculation and rumour surrounding details of her birth and how her megafamous parents plan to live their lives going forward. And while In Touch claims to be he one leading the way with up to the minute reporting on everything Pitt, I wouldn"t put as much stock into the Life & Style "exclusives". Remember the rules of tabloid hierarchy y"all. And just in case you forgot - this is the same publication that claimed Tom and Katie were over and that Jessica and Nick were going to have a baby. In today"s issue: Angie, Brad, herpes, and rehashing rumour central, Ben"s mysterious illness, examining the body Reese, just a little gloating re: Jude & Sienna, an update on the Kidmans, praise for Bellucci, Nicole Richie stops dying, and warming up to Jen and Vince.

Beautiful Monica Bellucci

May 30, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at May 30, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

So here"s what I love about Monica Bellucci. She"s apparently a huge, huge star in Europe. They go bananas for her. And she"s getting older, no spring chicken these days. But check out her face. There are some lines, yes. And if we"re honest, that"s not the skin of a 15 year old. But isn"t she beyond lovely??? Don"t you love her curves? Isn"t this a terrific example of strategic and subtle enhancements balanced by age appropriate gorgessity??? Too bad Melanie Griffith didn"t get the memo. Full Story

Sunday, May 21, 2006
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Dear gossips, The following column was INTENDED to be posted on Sunday. However, my laptop is officially fried. And I took it as a sign to enjoy the remaining time I had in Cannes. So it’s a little late, you probably don’t even care, but if you need a distraction, I’d love it if you took a read. I’m currently working on fresh smut, in addition to keeping up with what’s going down in Namibia and if I can go online somewhere without remortgaging my house, I’ll be back to you very shortly. A thousand apologies. Please forgive. And without further ado…here’s the late late smut. …… It is Sunday late afternoon here in the South of France. Chances are you’ll be reading this on Monday morning and you may have missed my Saturday morning post. If so, click on “This Week” on the left hand side of your page to find the May 20th edition and get caught up. We’re in the middle of a gossip tornado, can’t afford to fall behind. So…back to Cannes. It’s a madhouse up in here. Pure pandemonium, especially the Euro fans. I thought I was going to go all stalkerazzi but these people are hard-frickin’-core! We were walking by the Martinez when a huge crowd of girls started losing their sh*t, RUNNING IN TO TRAFFIC with their cameras attached just to snap a photo of Monica Bellucci leaving in her car. Here’s a first hand view of the chaos. I caught a glimpse of her – very beautiful, thick thick hair, heavily made up, huge lips, and an ever larger head – but I wasn’t about to climb all over this mob to snap a photo. I mean, even though she’s hot sh*t with a great set of knockers, it’s Monica Bellucci. Can you imagine if the Pitts were there??? Happily, I did happen to be enjoying a promenade along the Croisette during Charlie Sheen’s photo call…more on that later. I also observed a very, very nervous Avril Lavigne with Bruce Willis doing the carpet for Over the Hedge. She was totally out of her element but seemed to be loving the glamour. Doesn’t bode well for that scruff she’s supposed to marry in 3 months. You takin’ bets??? In today’s issue: Charlie in Cannes, Mimi’s marvelous mammaries, Tara’s not so marvelous mammaries, the Beckhams in London, Liz in purple, and much love for Madge.

Charlie on the beach

May 21, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at May 21, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

A few for my own private collection, taken by my husband – now a pappy in training. Charlie, Oliver Stone, Willem Dafoe, and Tom Berenger were huddled in a private lounge prior to the photo call. Charlie was smoking, sucking on the thing like it was his last…I totally know how that feels. There was a very, very attractive female handler/media minion/call girl hovering close by. Full Story

Most Matronly: Reese Witherspoon

March 5, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at March 5, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Sorry Reese fans but I was decidedly underwhelmed by her sparkly dress. Not that it was offensive or anything and I do admire Reese for being a mother and an actor and unscandalous one at that, but I’m so tired of the Mama Belle/overgrown debutante routine. We get it, Reese. We know you’re a nice lady. Full Story

Cam & Jude: the perfect couple?

February 15, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at February 15, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Like, Oh.My.Goddess. Can’t believe we didn’t think of this one either. He’s the philandering, polka dot wearing, fanny arsed dandy-man. She’s a dogface mule with dual privates and a raging case of underarm stank. How is this NOT the most perfectest couple…evah??? See Jude and Cam filming in London. Full Story

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