Sasha Answers: Can I be friends with my friend’s ex?
Here's the thing: one of my best friends started dating a guy and, though I had met him before, we became friends because of his relationship with her. Thing is, he recently broke up with her. Not in the most appropriate way, but I consider that it's not my business at all. He has become a very good friend to me, one of the best, but the problem is that she doesn't want me near him at all. Not even talk. She's forcing me to choose and all I can think about is how, in the last two years that lasted their relationship, he cared and understood me way better than her. Should I distance myself from him out of loyalty for her or not? Thank you, D.
You know I have to ask what everyone’s thinking, right? So here is it, D: do you like him? I mean, do you like him so much that you might want to date him?
Look, I know it's possible to be platonic friends with a dude, but “he cared and understood me” is a hard one to overlook. And honestly, if your bond was so apparent, I’m pretty sure it’s a big reason why your girlfriend wants you to cut ties as well.
But D, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt here, and just go with what you’re telling me - that he is indeed just a bud. In this instance, while it is a sucky situation to be in, you should for sure have your girl’s back first. That doesn’t mean you have to end your friendship with him; it just means you need to stick by her until the wound isn’t so damn fresh. And look, if he’s the one who axed her then chances are he doesn’t need your emotional support as much as she does, you know? So if I were you I’d just call him up and let him know that while it’s totally unfortunate, you’re going to keep a low profile for a while because your girlfriend needs you right now.
And while I’m doling out the advice, I'm going to throw in a heads up about something else: your friendship with him will most likely take another hit in the near future when he starts a new relationship. Not all girls are super secure with having a man hanging out with his "best girlfriend" and chances are that when that time comes it will be his turn to temporarily pull away as well. I know that you don’t want to believe it, but trust me, dudes will always pick the vagina they can f-ck over the one they can’t. Dems just the breaks.
I leave you now with a nugget of wisdom from Brandy:
Let me know how things turn out. And keep your questions coming to me at firstname.lastname@example.org