Sasha Answers: Desperate & Doomed
Dear Sasha, I've done despicable things, hurt a ton of people, trashed my life and painted myself into a corner.
Three years ago, I met a wonderful man. We lived a perfect life, at least it seemed that way. I guess some things weren't right, but I couldn't put my finger on them. I shrugged it off and continued down the road of wedding planning, etc. Here's where it gets ugly. Two months before the wedding, I started an affair with my friend's brother. We had just met each other and something drew us deeply into each other. It was all things torrid and passionate and hopeless. He's young and hot-tempered, and I was like a moth to a flame. I was afraid, SO afraid, to call off the wedding, though. I went through with it, thinking I could assess the situation later and leave down the road. Stupid, terribly stupid.
My husband found out soon after the wedding. In the six months that have followed, I've moved out, lost many friends, lost my job and now I feel like I'm dangling by a thread. My family is so ashamed of me. I still see the other guy from time to time. He's young and immature, without a career, a car or his own place. It feels desperate and doomed, but he's like a drug to me now. Everything feels desperate and doomed. I don't know how to handle any of this. C
You know, I know, and everyone knows you f-cked up big time. And I can tell by your letter that there’s nothing I will say here that you haven’t already told yourself. So now that you’ve punished yourself with enough self-hatred and shame, it’s time to get a grip.
Look, I get it, your life feels overwhelmingly messed up, butttt at some point you have to grow up and accept the responsibility. So the very first thing you need to do is drop this total loser you’re sleeping with.
At this point I know you’re only with him because you feel so empty inside, but it’s time to fill your life and surround yourself with things that are good. I know you don’t think you deserve it, but trust me, you do.
Listen, wasn’t the whole point you cheated on your husband because he wasn’t the right one for you? Because you were scared of a life of potential unhappiness and regret? Right? So C, don’t you think this is some twisted f-cking irony that you’re letting those exact things you feared happen to you RIGHT NOW!!!
If you feel so bad about your actions, if you’re really so embarrassed by your actions, why are you choosing to continue dumpster-diving with this dude? C, the only way to stop all this crazy around you is by making a conscious effort to make positive changes in your life. Seriously, it’s that easy.
What’s done is done and you can’t let your mistake, albeit it a very bad one, define who you are now and who you will be in the future. You’ve been down this desperate spiral for too long and now it’s time to climb your way back up. So ask for some help from a close friend or family member; I’m sure there are a few that have stuck by you, but if not find a therapist in your area that you can talk to ASAP. If you need help with that let me know and I can do some researching. I hope this helps! Xx
Keep hitting me up with your LIFE + STYLE questions here