Sasha Answers: The Difficult Friend at my wedding
Hi Sasha, I'm getting married this summer! Very exciting! Here's the problem - I'm blessed with many close and wonderful female friends, but if I asked all the friends I wanted to ask, the bridal party would be bigger than the guests. My fiance will have only a best man, so for symmetry I'd like to ask my dearest friend who is coming from overseas to be my maid of honour. What's the problem? While most of my friends will understand, I have a "difficult friend". Long before I got engaged she told me "When you get married I better be a bridesmaid!" She's hinted at it quite a few times since I got engaged, and I know in her mind it is a foregone conclusion. When I tell her I'm just asking one person, and its not her, I know she's going to lose her sh-t. Maybe this doesn't sound like a big deal, but "difficult friend" may in fact be an understatement. She is the only person I fight with, many of my other friends don't want anything to do with her. While she is lovely in her own way, there are many...challenges. She could totally flip out (the smallest disagreement tends to result in accusations of I'm not her real friend, I don't care about her, etc), and I really want this to be a happy occasion. Do you have any suggestions of how I can broach the topic so that she doesn't take offence? L
Well sh-t, my first suggestion is to faze this chick out of your life after the wedding, but in the meantime, I guess it’s time to throw on your kiddie gloves one more time so that her drama doesn’t totally f-ck with your big day.
First things first, do what you want to do. You want one bridesmaid then that’s that. Don’t for a second feel like you have to change all your plans because of her.
Next, don’t let this stress you out. Easier said, I know, but just try to keep reminding yourself that she’s got issues that have nothing to do with you. If she wants to go bat sh-t crazy, then that’s on her – she’s wrong and you’re right.
Okay, let’s get to the plan of action…..
I would invite this girl along with a handful of your closest friends for a dinner party. (I know you have a boat load of friends, but we all have a core group that consists of like 4-6 real homies.) At some point in the night bring up the fact that your fiancé is adamant about having one best man and because of that you’re asking your overseas friend to be your one MOH. So you see what I did, right? Blamed it totally all on your man. Look, I’m usually all for being honest, but I think you need to be a bit strategic in this situation and he’s the perfect scapegoat.
At this point whip out the gifts. Oh right, I should have mentioned before that you’re going to buy all these girls a pretty little piece of jewelry. Nothing crazy, just something in the 50 dollar range. Dole them out, tell them you adore them and ask them each to wear it on your big day as a symbol of your friendship. This warms the cockles of everyone’s heart, including your high maintenance bitch-ass friend, and you all get drunk and live happily ever after.
But f-ck, if this doesn’t work then send her invitation with no venue address.
Thanks for writing in and keep your LIFE + STYLE questions coming at me at firstname.lastname@example.org