Sasha Answers: The Work Crush & the Consolation Prize
So I have this crazy crush on a guy at work - like can't stop thinking about him, feel a real connection kind of crush. There are several issues with this however:
1) I have a boyfriend - a longterm, live-in, have talked about house buying/marriage/babies one day in-the-not-so-distant-future boyfriend.
2) The crush has a girlfriend of around a year. The odd thing about this though - he didn't mention her till about a month ago. It's weird that over a few months of regular chatting that she didn't come up once right?
3) I'm not even sure he likes me back in the same way. He's just one of those genuinely good guys who can't be anything but friendly with everyone.
So, ultimately, I can't see this going anywhere good - it'll either keep going the way it is, with me crushing on him quietly, remaining just friends (which makes me happy on one level, but I think will ultimately leave me unfulfilled), without ever really reaching any kind of resolution; or, it'll blow up in my face, humiliate me, and make the workplace super awkward for everyone. It's just very frustrating and I don't know what to do at this point. Thanks Z!
Z, while you’ve laid out the facts quite clearly, I’ve got to be straight up and tell you that you’ve got nothing emotionally tangible here AT.ALL. And frankly, I feel like your question to me should have way less to do with this crush and WAY more to do with the current state of your relationship.
Sure, you put your boyfriend as reason #1 on your list, but it feels like more of a formality than anything else. Nowhere in your letter do I get the sense that you’re torn because you have this amazingly loving relationship that you don’t want to destroy, you know? Seems to me you’d be willing to ditch his ass pretty damn quick if your co-worker was down to knock boots. That’s a big problemo, Z.
My take on the work dude? It’s a no-go. He’s just a guy who enjoys flirting with you and that’s all. He has no intention of leaving his girlfriend. Now quick! Think about your boyfriend. Does he feel like a consolation prize? If so, then before you start focusing your feelings for someone else, you really need to figure out where you stand in this relationship and how and if you can fix it.
Thanks for writing Z and hope this helps! xx