Sasha Answers: Wedding planning after a death in the family
Hi Sasha, My boyfriend and I recently got engaged. This is a second wedding for both of us and we are planning something small and simple.
The issue? Two days before he proposed his mother passed away unexpectedly. He is an only child whose father and step-father both died years ago. Needless to say, he and his mother were VERY close.
Now, while trying to settle everything with her estate, we are also trying to plan a wedding, or I should say, I am trying to plan a wedding. He wants nothing to do with any planning, decision-making, nothing. I've tried to be understanding. I've tried to do as much as possible on my own. How do I tell him I need at least some help, without sounding like an inconsiderate jerk? Thanks,
You haven’t told me the date yet, but C, if your wedding is in the next 4-6months I would really suggest pushing back the date. You want to pummel my face in right now, don’t you?
Look, I know it’s not ideal, but don’t you want him to be totally present and excited when the day rolls around?! It should be one big love-fest - that’s all about you and him - and I can’t help but feel that you’re starting to get a tad bitter that you’re doing all the work. I’d hate for all the stress of the wedding and the loss of his mom to blow up into one ugly, unhappy mess.
So C, if I were you I’d sit down with your man and at least discuss the option of changing the date to a few weeks or even a few months later. If you see relief in his face, well, you know it’s the right decision. I know it feels like a big pill to swallow right now, but he's going through a lot right now and in the scheme of things it’s really no big deal, especially if your wedding is as small and simple as you say you want it to be.
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