Chinese Squawking Chicken Articles
Duana asked me last night how my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, reacted to the announcement of my upcoming book about her, Listen To The Squawking Chicken. Well, she came over yesterday when I was at work to drop off some ginseng soup. Normally she doesn’t come inside because she blames my dogs for getting their fur all over her clean clothes. But she had to pee and used the upstairs bathroom, my bathroom. I left in a rush in the morning and it was a hair wash day so there was long black hair all over the tub. The only thing she said to Jacek during the entire visit was, “If you’re not going to clean your house every day you should hire a cleaning service”. And then she hobbled her way out the door. I wrote a book, but the Squawking Chicken still thinks I’m a filthy pig. Read Full Intro
Shameless self-promotion here but this was the deadline I’ve been referring to. I was writing a book. I WROTE A BOOK! The book is called "Listen to the Squawking Chicken: When Mother Knows Best, What's a Daughter To Do? A Memoir (Sort Of)”. So now you know who the true star is here: the Chinese Squawking Chicken. Full Story
It was Poo Day yesterday on The Social. Yeah so it took four weeks. Just four weeks and we were able to feature my favourite subject on the show and talk about how my poo comes out in pellets – and demonstrated their different pellet shapes with play-dough – because I’m chronically constipated. The suggestion: coconut oil. Am supposed to be starting the day with a spoonful of it. And I picked up my new favourite expression: Brown Star. Have you used your Brown Star today?
Today is my 40th birthday! I really hope I get to use my Brown Star on my 40th birthday. It’s a milestone number. Which is why I’m making such a big ass deal of it. But mostly, what’s great about my birthday is that it’s a day before Gwyneth’s. Read Full Intro
Wenn, Clive Brunskill/ Getty
What’s the Anna Wintour policy on Vogue international covers? How long must the gap be between a Vogue cover in China and the cover of US Vogue? Victoria Beckham covers the August issue of China Vogue. The US Vogue September cover already belongs to Jennifer Lawrence. That leaves 3 months if Posh is to make her life’s dream. Full Story
Written by Jacek I’ve basically ordered Lainey to go to sleep for a few hours at this stage in the day cause I can sense she’s about to crash. More from her to come later in the day but for now I’m stepping in for one or two words. Lainey might have already mentioned this but if she did I missed it. Full Story
It’s Burberry, of course it is. The new Burberry is not for my mother. She has a lot to say about this. She’s has two Burberry trenchcoats, a navy long one that’s 20 years old, and a shorter khaki about 15 years old, both in perfect condition. It was great quality. Or, as she says it, “goot colly”, translation: good quality. Full Story
For those new to the site: We Asians look young for a long time. I still get carded for alcohol sometimes. But the thing about Asians is that as soon as 60 comes around, it’s old and fast and overnight. One day you go to bed and it’s all good. Wake up the next morning and 70 years of your life is written all over your face. Full Story
It is so f-cking hot here in Toronto. And this is Hot Harry on a Horse not on a horse at a wedding in London with his brother and also Kate Middleton. I was married on a Friday. My mother consulted a feng shui master for the date. And that Friday was deemed a fortuitous day according to our birthdays and birth times. Full Story
Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning yesterday on the set of The Runaways working that old school style. High waist leather pants. Please. If I put those on I’d be the Chinese Porny Simpson. Kristen however looks amazing. There’s a cute, cute, CUTE body under there. As for those platforms, my mother had a pair. Full Story
JailBait Miley Cyrus is currently on some kind of promotional tour – book, movie, virginity – and was on the radio yesterday with Detroit’s Mojo in the Morning on WKQI when she was asked when she and that f-cking 20 year old loser she’s dating Justin Gaston are moving in together. Full Story
I called my mother this morning. It’s her birthday. These are the rules: I call her on MY birthday to thank her for giving me life. I call her on HER birthday to give thanks that she is alive.
Me: Happy Birthday Mom!
Squawking Chicken: (cackling) Today your favourite day of year!
Me: Sure. What do you have planned?
Squawking Chicken: what you buy me?
Me: you can tell me what you want when I come home next week.
Squawking Chicken: why you not think about it?
Me: you keep changing your mind, Mother.
Squawking Chicken: I go to Casino Rama today. If I no win, you pay me.
Me: Fine. Penny slots, right?
Squawking Chicken: My birthday. Why I play penny slots?
Me: because that’s what you normally play.
Squawking Chicken (switching to Cantonese now): You put my birthday on a budget? Do you know Mommy almost died carrying you around? Do you know what it felt like, you were 9 pounds. All because your dad’s side of the family gave you thick legs. The early bird casino shuttle is leaving soon. I have to go.
Me: um, ok. Have fun.
My mother doesn’t believe in goodbye. As for those of who keep asking us – is she really like that? Put it this way: most people who were at my wedding can’t remember what I was wearing. Everyone at my wedding remembers what SHE was wearing. Today is my favourite day of the year.
Twilight sighted all over Vancouver. Photos and details to come. Fangirls gone crazy on Canada’s West Coast. And we have months to go…
Monday – am blogging all day, still sniffling, but Porny’s making it better. New Jessica Simpson pics! And Matt Damon’s junk encased in spandex.
SCROLL DOWN for photos of a sassy Miss Zahara and her sister posted late on Friday.
Yours in gossip,
PS. The photo issue from last week should be resolved. And the photos are also loading much quicker. If you continue to experience problems, please email email@example.com.
Rachel Bilson and her betrothed Hayden Christensen spotted in Malibu yesterday after lunch. His legs look skinnier than hers. And she’s TINY. Ew. Anyway, Hayden and Rachel have been spending a lot of time in Ontario working on his farmhouse. Am also told that they’ve also been visiting local breeders looking for a dog that can herd all their goats. Full Story