Grammy Awards 2009 Articles
Grammy Best: GOOP!
If you are a Gwyneth-hater, have you ever, ever, EVER hated her more than you hated her last night? Or this morning? Probably not. Your hate for her has escalated to a point you didn’t think possible, hasn’t it? Duana texted me last night – the title: I HATE HER SO MUCH. Didn’t even have to ask who. Full Story
The Grammys were her Oscars
Like, what the f-ck, Kate Beckinsale??? I get that she was saving it for the Oscars. I get it that she desperately wanted to wear it this season. But she forgot who she is. She forgot where she was. She thought that perhaps having “the honour” of her lifetime, introducing Paul McCartney, would give her permission to commit the most egregious OVERDRESS offence of the year…? Fail. Full Story
Worst Grammy Share: Taylor & JailBait
Sounds the title for a comic book. LOVE Taylor Swift. She was live at eTalk a few weeks ago and could not have been sweeter. Despite riding a chart high for weeks, killing it in album sales, Taylor has no pretentions. And her mother is not Dina Lohan. I remember seeing a video of Taylor and her mother a while ago, in line to vote. Full Story
Grammy Boy Hair: John Mayer & Guy Berryman
Boys with short hair! Guy Berryman is the hottest Coldplay. He’s wee, but he’s gorgeous. And he looked great in pink! Guy’s hair is super short right now. Love. Also…much prefer John Mayer short and unpuffy. He’s a great looking guy when he has good hair. And when he’s a music geek and humble and not sh-tting from his mouth. Full Story
Grammy Quiver: T.I.
Please. Like there’s anyone else? He brought the quiver in a tux, then took it down casual with the Pip, and also on the carpet with his “Situation”. Her name is Tiny. But he’d tell you himself: she is his Situation Full Story
Grammy Little Boy: Justin Timberlake
“When I was a little boy…” How many times have you heard Pippy talk about his little boy days? He ALWAYS refers to his little boy days. 5 years ago it was cute. Now it’s limp cheese and please grow some balls. Suggestions: When I was growing up…When I was younger… It works, and better still, it means you’re not asskissing women YOUR MOTHER’s AGE! So Justin Timberlake performed twice last night. Full Story
Grammy No B: Jay-Z
There’s this blowhard host on the local Vancouver sports talk radio show who keeps complaining about today’s music. Typical Canadian rock’n’roll beer dude. Completely ignorant about music other than what’s played on his own small little block. Last week he was discussing Springsteen at the Super Bowl and the future of the half time performance and he was like – will Jay-Z be relevant in 30 years? Will Jay-Z continue to sell out tours like the old rock timers? F-cking ignorant douche. Full Story
Grammy Gold & Tacky: Carrie Underwood
She changed like 10 times the entire night. And every time it was the ass. If you want to rank the ass in order of worst to not so bad but still bad, #1 being the most horrid, I’d say it was the arrivals gold borrowed straight from Dolly Parton. See how even skinny girls can look bloaty with a bad dress? Also…don’t understand the hair. Full Story
Grammy Sex Change: LeAnn Rimes
Pick one: LeAnn Rimes looks great LeAnn Rimes looks like greasy sh-t but still girly LeAnn Rimes looks like greasy sh-t man dressing up like a womanI choose option 3. That grown out perm is straight out of the trailer park. And her dress is wrinkled. And, oh yeah, she looks like she’s getting rid of her lady business…WTF? Is this because her husband is so fay? He was there too, by the way. Full Story
Grammy Vogue: Adele!
Styled by Anna Wintour. And Anna for Adele > Andre Leon Talley for Jennifer Hudson…right? But not even Anna Wintour could make Adele get rid of her chavvy long nails. Heh. The green on her – like a fresh ripe apple! Love it! Also love the cut of the dress – a little old school, and classic, a throwback to yesterday, not unlike the kind of musical sophistication coming out of someone so young. Full Story
Grammy Hardcore: M.I.A.
She shared the stage with Jay-Z, Kanye, T.I. (yeah baby), and Lil Wayne on her due date. Please. So what if she was singing with a backing track? You don’t want to mess with M.I.A. And both her outfits were so damn cute! The pregnant woman’s body is a beautiful thing! Also – M.I.A. could teach Taupe Jennifer Garner a thing or two about maternity fashion, non? If you missed it, the performance is below. Full Story
Grammy Radiohead
Thom Yorke’s is a surprising kind of sexy, non? Sneaks up on you, surprises you, at first you’re like – who is this odd little man? By the end of it you’re like – musical genius if you seek Amy…? Last night it was a clinic. An introduction for some to why Radiohead is talked about the way they are talked about. Full Story
Grammy Strain: Coldplay
It’s not that we’re not Coldplay fans. We are! We own Coldplay everything: every album, every dvd, we’ve seen them five or six times in concert – first two albums totally, second two albums meh… And we know Chris Martin can sing. Just … why does he sing so ass on these awards shows? Let’s face it: the best part of Coldplay last night was Jay-Z…which is when Chris was tolerable. Full Story
Grammy Vagina Virgins: The Jonas Brothers
As mentioned before, the little one, if I had to pick, is my favourite. I can hear my friends groaning already – of course he is, they’d say. Don’t even bother, Duana! I’m not hearing you! But seriously, the little one – Nick? – he’s the cutest and is the most likely to like girls. Full Story