Gwyneth’s sad smut ...for sale?

March 18, 2013 13:57:03 Posted at March 18, 2013 13:57:03
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Gwyneth Paltrow covers the new issue of SELF looking really great in a blue and green patterned dress. She is currently promoting her new cookbook It’s All Good, about how to eliminate all the pleasure out of your diet, or something. In the interview G acknowledges that she wasn’t well liked. (Wasn’t?) And she rationalises it in the same way all celebrities do: you were just jealous. But now that you’re older, you can appreciate her for how real she is:

“I feel a sisterhood emerging around me. I’m less threatening now that I’m 40 and not 26-with-an-Oscar. They know I’ve been through a lot of pain and suffering – some public, some private – and I keep going. 'Or maybe it’s just that I was the first one who could afford therapy!”

What could the impossibly privileged Gwyneth Paltrow have in the way of “pain and suffering”? Well, she lost her dad. And she’s spoken often and heartbreakingly about how that affected her. What else? G has confirmed that she also lost a baby.

Paltrow was hospitalised five years ago in New York. At the time, her publicist and friends explained that she’d had some kind of stomach bug. I reported however that it was sad smut -- click here for a refresher. (Thanks Katie! You saved me some time searching my own site!) Sad smut, obviously, and if you recall, Chris Martin reacted so emotionally when pressed by the paps, apparently tackling a photographer to the ground, it can’t have been over a little indigestion.

G has now officially confirmed that that was a miscarriage. In another interview with the Mail On Sunday’s YOU Magazine, G reveals that:

“My children ask me to have a baby all the time. And you never know, I could squeeze one more in. I am missing my third. I’m thinking about it. But I had a really bad experience when I was pregnant with my third. It didn’t work out and I nearly died. So I am like, ‘Are we good here or should we go back and try again?’”

Sympathy is certainly warranted in these situations. Sure. We’re supposed to feel bad for her, as many of you who’ve had a similar experience will argue that, as a MOM, the most untouchable title in pop culture, no woman who’s been through that should be criticised.

But am I the only c-nt who’s choking back the As IF over the timing of it all? Here’s Gwyneth who prioritises privacy. Here’s Gwyneth selling a new book. Here’s Gwyneth sharing private details about a very personal tragedy to a British tabloid (I don’t care if they try to class it for the Mail On Sunday -- it’s still the DAILY MAIL). And you’re telling me it’s a coincidence and not a conspiracy? Please.

What it is is...

Gross.

And worse, for her at least...

Super common.

Like Kardashian common.

Certainly not the standard play for a member of well-bred society. But then again, she’s not pimping for well-bred society. Those people don’t have to cook for themselves. Low classy moves are reserved for those she considers low classy consumers -- the Saturday suburban mom in her SUV and boot cut jeans, freshly French manicured hands clutching a Coach or Michael Kors bag, dropping “fabulous” and “bling bling” into conversation without any irony whatsoever.

Are these her people now?

Well, those are the people who pay. She’ll take their cash money and she’ll spend it on gifts for her people who really matter...

Beyonce and the Blue Ivy Carter, as she told SELF:

“Beyonce) is incredible. She's a great friend on every level. I think for us, protecting our daughters is so important and ... keeping things on our own terms, so I will still be protective and make sure [Blue Ivy] has a childhood and a great time.”

Beyonce and Gwyneth Paltrow both announced miscarriages within a month of each other -- B in her self-directed documentary, during which she claimed to closely guard her personal life, and G on her cookbook press tour, even though she claims to always closely guard her personal life.

Oh I see.

If it’s good enough for Beyonce, it’s good enough for Gwyneth.

Click here to read about G’s miscarriage and more in the Mail On Sunday’s YOU Magazine. And click here for more from Gwyneth in SELF.

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