On Maxwell Drew

May 2, 2012 15:23:41 Posted at May 2, 2012 15:23:41
Duana Posted by Duana
Photos:
WENN

She has arrived, and yes, let's just take a few seconds to marvel on HOW DID IT TAKE THAT LONG?  I guess the answer is “she told everyone the identical second she could”, possibly because she knew she wasn't going to be able to hide it.

So the name pool, which was a ridiculous amount of fun (especially for me as I got to read all your entries) is finished.  And....nobody won.  I'm sorry.  The rules stated that you had to hit it, right on, and nobody did. How could you have? Shout-out to Laura S who chose the entirely reasonable alternative "Drew Maxine".   

Now.  As for Maxwell Drew.  Do I have issues with the name?  Of course I do.  I felt reasonably certain that I would.  

I don't dislike it because it's a “boy's name”.  Please.  Many women sport resolutely female names that were once male only: Beverly, Ashley, Kelly. They lived to tell the tale and don't give me this “oh, people will think she's a boy!”  This is Jessica Simpson's baby. Do you think she's not going to do photoshoots with every mag that will take her and swan into every school and soccer game to announce the arrival of her daughter?  This is not the problem I have.  I do have a problem that the name is like #3 in the popularity rankings right now. How many Maxes do you know?  If she'd named the girl Arthur, I wouldn't be complaining.  Hmmm.  Arthur on a girl...

However, I do have an issue with the androgyny in another way, which is that, since both names have familial connections (“Drew” is her mother's maiden name) it seems like they chose it eons ago, all "and it'll work for a boy AND a girl!" This is laziness.  Nobody's ever going to have enough children to use up all the names they like, and I don't think a gimmick is a good way to name a child, ever.  Some day that kid is going to say "what if I was a boy, what would you have called me?"  (I think about my boy-alter-ego name, Niall, all the time).   If the answer is “same thing”, doesn't that kind of mean that it doesn't matter who the kid is?  Yes, I know, not every child who comes out all shrivelled shrimp “looks like” the name you chose, but still.   

But my biggest issue here is what Lainey mentioned I was ranting on yesterday - there's NO SHOWMANSHIP here.  So we had our poll, and very shortly thereafter, the name was leaked via someone seeing “Maxi” on some sleepers or something.   That was around March 12th or so. We didn't know, but she did, that this was not a mistake or a wrong leak.  But she still didn't announce the name until the baby was born.  That meant she had almost two months to change it up somehow.  "It's actually going to be Maxima Cosima Drew" or switch the Maxwell to Maxine and call her Maxi sometimes and Nina sometimes.   SOMEthing.   Isn't it the worst thing in the world for a celebrity not to be able to surprise the press?  For that matter, why get the sleepers printed and risk the leak at all?  Is the kid going to have an identity crisis if it doesn't get into personally-branded sleepers until it's two or three weeks old?

I know some of you are all "Tradition is Tradition" and if tradition dictates your kid gets the dude's middle name followed by your mother's maiden, well, that's cool.  But I'm a staunch believer in not announcing the name until the kid actually arrives, so if that's what you're going to do, then keep it under some wraps, already, so that people can't do the math in their heads the moment the strip turns pink.   People are always talking about how baby gender is "one of the last surprises we have" (which might explain those crazy ass gender reveal parties), and whether you agree or think that's hopelessly twee, one of the other “last surprises” is the name.   

I just wish she'd tried a little harder.  But then - it's Jessica Simpson.  

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