Postpartum Porny is Horny

June 1, 2012 14:01:54 Posted at June 1, 2012 14:01:54
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Of course she is. Jessica Simpson, after all, is now the representative of the Perfect Woman in the eyes of the men:

She is fertile and luscious with big ass tits and she still wants to f-ck even after having a baby. If Jessica Simpson can do it, and enjoy it, why can’t you? That’s how you satisfy your man, don’t you know?

In her exclusive interview with PEOPLE, for which she was paid a million dollars, Porny tells the
magazine that:

“I've kind of broken one rule. I think I have the sexiest man in the world. So that's the rule I break.”

Well that c-section came in handy, didn’t it? Especially with the built-in tummy tuck and vaginal tightener.

Porny is so horny, her incisions even heal faster, and, as she explained to Ryan Seacrest:

“I am definitely feeling “intimate”. I'm kind of unstoppable at the moment! Like the big "O" is like the biggest "O" ever.” 

Fascinating, isn’t it? This ... maternity mythology that Jessica Simpson is creating for herself. Because on the surface, while it’s supposed to endear her to women, what it’s also doing, more importantly, naturally,  is supporting expectations that women must uphold for men:

A true goddess births, nurses, comforts, and f-cks real good... all at the same time, all with a smile!

Can you blame Eric Johnson for not going to Wharton?

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