Sasha Answers: I'm not ready to settle down

September 16, 2013 18:02:03 Posted at September 16, 2013 18:02:03
Sasha Posted by Sasha

Dear Sasha, I need a real unbiased opinion.  My boyfriend and I met when we were 20 and have been in love and dating ever since that was 4 years ago. We moved to a new city together a year ago and things have been great! He is in university and I'm a server trying to figure out my life! We have friends but I feel like we don't have separate lives, we do everything together.

We started talking about marriage when he is finished school in a year and a half and it got me really thinking. I started freaking out a bit...I've only slept with 3 people my entire life, have only made out with 6, I have not been on a proper date where you meet someone you don't really know and they ask you out, I have never had a crazy wild night or anything like that...Am I going to regret being young and hot and not going out and getting into a little trouble before I settle down for the rest of my life?!? Do we go on a break? Do we break up? Thank you! L

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Sh-t or get off the pot. It’s an impossible call for me to make because how can I really gauge through an email how strong your relationship is? But having said that, hopefully I can open a little space of clarity for you.

First, I should just let you know that the way you’re feeling is 100% normal. Everyone has a panic attack when they realize they haven't had enough dick in their lives, but from my count you’ve seen at least 9, which isn’t too shabby. Okay, but I get it; you wish you would have gotten your swerve on a bit more, but like, do you - really? I think we have a tendency to romanticize playing the field more then we should. Remember being single and looking around a room of dudes and thinking “This!?” Or taking home a guy and waking up in the morning thinking, once again, “This??” 

Yes, tapping some ass can be super fun, and sure, there are some hot dudes milling around, but by your mid-twenties a lot of them are either taken, total players, or have no desire to settle down any time this millennium. I’m not saying that single people are doomed; it just takes a whole lot of time and weeding through sh-theads to fine a good one. So my question to you is: do have a good one right now? Are you really in love? Because if you are then I wouldn’t be so quick to give it up. If what you want is a breather to find yourself again, well then, that’s easy: stop spending every waking moment with him and start doing some things on your own. Find a passion outside of him and pick up a f-cking hobby. It’s not healthy to make your partner your world – you need to do things for yourself and by yourself sometimes. 

Look, the bottom line is that you need to address these feelings, so spend some time figuring out what you want before pulling the plug here, because listen, if all you just want is to hold a couple of dicks and then quickly run back into your relationship, then f-ck, eat a couple of hot dogs and call it a day.

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