Sasha Answers: My mom won’t leave me alone
Dear Sasha, I recently got out of an abusive relationship. I have no interest in being social, and spend most of my days at home. I’ve stopped seeing my so-called friends because I realized most of them were more interested in coming over to gawk at me and go gossip, rather than being supportive.
While I do understand that it might not be the healthiest alternative, it’s the only one that currently calms me down and makes me feel safe. Like any other good mother, my mom’s worried about my current state. She’s been on me for months now, trying to get me to go see a therapist, or seek help from various organizations. I’ve tried over and over again, to tell her that being by myself is what works best for me right now. Maybe eventually I’ll seek outside help, but I’m just not there yet. She doesn’t want to understand that and calls me daily to talk about the same things, which ultimately just puts a lot of pressure on me. While I do understand where she's coming from, this is becoming extremely irritating. I just don’t know how to get her off my back. Do you have any advice for me?
Helllooooooooo...this is what moms do!!!
They love you, they worry about you, they ask you really annoying questions all the time, and they will always and forever be up in your business. That’s their job. I know you were hoping for another answer from me, but sorry S, she is doing exactly what she should be doing. And damn, if you thought your mom was a nag, well, you now have to deal with me too.
The good news is I’m happy for you! Happy that you got out of such a toxic relationship. It’s not an easy thing to do and while you’ve gotten through the toughest part, there are still some very heavy feelings left to face: grief, anger, loneliness, temptation – are just a few, and S, if you don’t come to terms with them soon they’ll start chipping away, weakening you.
You know, we always hear about finding inner strength, but when you’ve just drained every last drop to get out a f-cked up relationship like this, there’s usually very little left over. So in order to get that back you need to draw on outer strength, which means finding a routine and people who can help you reconstruct your self-image, self-esteem and self-worth. This S, is exactly what your mom is so desperate for you to do.
We both know this is going to take many months of hard work, but the sooner you get going the sooner you’ll get to the other side of all of this. In the meantime, I want to leave you with this book called Men Who Hate Women, The Women Who Love Them and of course if you need any help finding someone to talk to in your city, please let me know.
Hope this helps! Keep your LIFE + STYLE questions coming my way at firstname.lastname@example.org