Sasha Answers: Should I be a sister-wife?
Hi Sasha, This is probably going to be the most craziest and ridiculous story you have ever heard but I need your advice. My boyfriend (who is also my babydaddy) and I broke up last year and during that time he got another girl pregnant. He was with her during the whole pregnancy but after she gave birth she broke up with him, and a few months later we were back together. He's been having a hard time lately because he really wants to be with both of his kids and every time he's with me and our daughter he feels guilty that his other child does not have a complete family. So a couple of weeks ago, he told me that the only way both his children would be happy is if he married both me and his ex (once he persuades her into taking him back) and we all lived together. That way, both his children will be part of a family and not a broken one and they can see their father every day.
Every time I tell him that it’s crazy and illegal he retorts that im being selfish and not thinking of the children. I don't know what to do because I love him so much and I love our daughter and I want her to have a happy family but I just can't keep the thought of my man being with another woman as well. Should I just put my jealousy aside for a chance at my daughter's happiness? Am I being unreasonable? And also, if I did leave him there’s really no chance that I would find someone. I'm over 30, overweight. L
Let’s call this what it is: Polygamy. Look, I’m not going to pretend that I’m into that sort of arrangement because I ain’t, but L, I truly believe that everyone is entitled to set up shop in whatever way makes them happy, so you need to figure out if this “sister-wife” thing is what YOU want. But I should tell you that unless you’re writing me from somewhere in Bountiful, this proposed relationship is totally, very much, illegal.
Now I can’t tell whether you’re terrified or curious about all of this, but what I do know is that you have somehow convinced yourself that being 30 and overweight means you’re unlovable. That to me is the greatest concern because if that’s the only reason you’re contemplating this situation, then we’ve got a big f-cking problem.
If what you truly want is for your daughter to be a happy, confident, awesome, self-assured woman one day, she needs to see those qualities personified in her mother first. Ya dig? So L, I know you want me to help you with this relationship dilemma, but I don’t even think you’re close to being in the right mindset to make any decisions about it. In order for you to make a sound decision you need to be of sound mind and if I were you I’d start doing some major work on yourself so that you can be the greatest woman and mom on your own before inviting other people in your life.
Thanks for writing in and keep me posted! xx