Sasha Answers: When Will He Say I Love You?
Hi Sasha, My boyfriend & I are gearing up to celebrate our 1st anniversary soon, but we've yet to say I love you to each other. I don't want to be the one to say it first (please don't make me;), but I'm beginning to wonder if he'll ever say it. He's an affectionate, caring person, and has made several references to growing old together, but for whatever reason he can't seem to utter those 3 little words. Just wondering how long it takes the average person to say I love you, and should I feel so bothered by the fact that he hasn't? Your feedback is greatly appreciated, Sasha. C
Here’s a secret: In the past I've said "I love you" back to someone because I felt like I needed to, not because I felt it. That’s not to say I didn’t really really really like them. I did. Or that I wasn’t getting to that place. I was. I just didn’t really LOVVVVEEEE them at that moment in time.
You know, for me, I only truly love a handful of people in my life. And if you’re gonna get into that inner circle, where like, I’ll legit, for realz, take a bullet for you, then that sh-t is going to take some time. So, I’m not shocked that he hasn’t uttered the 'L' word, but don’t lose your sh-t just yet. C, here’s the good news, a year is probably when those emotions do start to gel, so my advice would be to wait it out a little longer and see how your relationship progresses…naturally.
I think so much of the time we put crazy unnecessary pressure on our relationships. We compare our trajectory with other couples and we put really strange time constraints on everything. Look, I’ve been totally guilty of it too, but for someone who is looking at this from an objective standpoint I really don’t think this is one of those things you want to rush. Because just think about it -- when he does finally say it, you’ll know it’s the real deal. Wouldn’t you rather that then have some limp bullshit come out just for the sake of it?
Thanks for writing in and keep your questions coming my way at firstname.lastname@example.org