The Generic Simpson

March 31, 2008 06:06:00 Posted at March 31, 2008 06:06:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Not that Ashlee Simpson isn’t pretty. Because she is. Really pretty. But also pretty ordinary. Particularly because of the ordinary nose. Everyone orders this nose. It’s the most popular nose on the menu. A nose that has rendered her face kinda like every other face. Just ask Ashley Tisdale.

Still… obviously… it’s better to look generic than it is to look like Tori Spelling. And Ashlee looked lovely on Saturday at Kids’ Choice. Lovely…and maybe a little hungry. But then again, hunger in Hollywood is like a skill now. An essential skill on a resumé. The way “software proficiency” or “great time management” would be on our resumés – on a Hollywood resumé, going hungry is a coveted attribute, perhaps 3rd on the list of required competencies:

- excellent at lying
- will date for publicity
- accomplished starver
- experience with lipsynching
- willing to become someone else
- willing to use drugs recreationally

You’re hired!

PS. Those orange shoes must be mine.

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