Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Dear Gossips,

I am Wampus.

If you don’t know what that means you haven’t been keeping pace on Pottermore, slacker. Yesterday was a busy day on Pottermore. Yesterday we were invited to Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Are you into the name Isolt? I haven’t consulted with Duana. She’d probably roll her eyes at me. But isn’t Isolt a better option than Isabel?

Anyway, after learning about Ilvermorny, it’s time to be sorted. At Hogwarts I am proudly cunning, ambitiously green and silver and Slytherin. At Ilvermorny I am a …warrior? Weird. Because bravery is not my core attribute. I am a coward. However, Wampus is also, apparently, for the “argumentative but fiercely loyal”. Argumentative I can do. And loyalty too. But it still wasn’t clear to me initially as Wampus is the least explained of the four new houses. This plunged me into an identity crisis, until I read the piece for the third time and picked out the detail about Wampus hair being used for wands. That explains the narcissistic relationship I have with my hair; I’m like Samson that way. And there are cultural connections too. In a paper published in Beijing Science and Technology Life in 2005, Zhang Minglu wrote that historically, for the Chinese, “hair’s foremost function was a declaration of political alignment and a political weapon”. Hair was also a symbol of status and class. You know how in the Western world, a ring on a certain finger can tell you if someone is married? Back in the day, in China, you didn’t have to look at a woman’s hand. You could tell by her head. Once a woman was married, there was a social requirement for her to wear her hair up.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that JK Rowling’s new magical installment is making me think about myself a lot. Which is probably not her intention, to turn us into self-absorbed assholes. Have I failed before it’s even started?

Yours in gossip,


Styling Leslie Jones

June 29, 2016 14:15:38 Posted at June 29, 2016 14:15:38
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Wenn, RB/ Jen Lowery/ Splash News

Leslie Jones is one of the four new Ghostbusters. The new Ghostbusters movie is one of the most highly anticipated movies of the summer. We’ve been talking about it for over a year. Ghostbusters is a major motion picture release. So…why can’t Leslie Jones find anything to wear to the premiere? It's so funny how there are no designers wanting to help me with a premiere dress for movie. Full Story

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June 29, 2016 – Smutty Shout-Outs

June 29, 2016 13:42:22 Posted at June 29, 2016 13:42:22
Lainey Posted by Lainey

In two days, here in Canada, we celebrate our nation’s birthday. Earlier this year, many Canadians in Fort McMurray, Alberta lost their homes to the devastating fire. Tomorrow is Donate One Day in support of fellow Canadians affected by the crisis. Full Story

Smutty Tingles

June 28, 2016 18:44:29 Posted at June 28, 2016 18:44:29
Lainey Posted by Lainey

On this week’s Sasha Answers, Sasha has tampon updates, I take issue with a name, and to break or not to break? 

Russell Brand’s second wedding – will it be in India again? (Dlisted

This …or the Vanity Fair cover? (Just Jared

I hate the sleeve puffs but mostly I don’t think this is a well-made dress (Cele|bitchy

Love this shot (TooFab

Kristen Stewart wedding rumours – and not involving Robert Pattinson (Celeb Dirty Laundry

Prince Harry being adorable with the kids again (Pop Sugar

Not sure how I feel about sheer-ish tights under jean shorts (Popoholic

Nicolas Cage’s date (TMZ)

One of my favourite BET Awards outfits (Go Fug Yourself)

Bradley Cooper dancing

June 28, 2016 18:23:43 Posted at June 28, 2016 18:23:43
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Glastonbury just wrapped up. All kinds of celebrities show up but, so far, I don’t feel about it the way I feel about Coachella which has become People Dressed Like Assholes Pretending To Care About Music. Is it just the weather that’s the difference? Here’s an assignment for all of us. Full Story

Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day: Resurgence

June 28, 2016 17:41:33 Posted at June 28, 2016 17:41:33
Sarah Posted by Sarah

I’m not going to sit here and pretend like Independence Day is some great movie—it’s not. It’s nonsensical trash like all of Roland Emmerich’s movies. But it is at least fun nonsensical trash, arguably the only Emmerich movie that is in any way actually enjoyable. Independence Day: Resurgence, the twenty-years-later sequel/soft reboot, is neither fun nor enjoyable—it is straight up nonsensical Emmerich trash. Full Story

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