Jennifer Lawrence’s premiere wedding

December 15, 2016 17:17:36 Posted at December 15, 2016 17:17:36
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Steve Granitz/ Allen Berezovsky/ Albert L. Ortega/ Getty Images

Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt last night at the Passengers premiere. You know Sarah and I have been writing about our gut feelings about this movie? Well the reviews, so far they haven’t been great. Just 22% on Rotten Tomatoes so far but also, so far, as of this post, I’m not seeing any reviews from women. And I feel like this is the kind of movie that will get its support from women.

Jennifer’s parents were with her last night at the premiere. She also took her parents to James Corden with her, where she showed a photo of herself peeing on the lawn behind her mother, without her mother knowing.

 

I appreciate that Jennifer is peeing in bitch position. Like actual bitch, female dog, position. Or lazy male dog position – front paws forward, leaning ahead. Is that a better technique for humans than a straight squat? So often, especially on the golf course, I’m jealous of the male anatomy. Because it’s a simple standing situation and you can use your hand to aim. My piss aim is for sh-t. Sometimes, I don’t know, I wonder if it’s because my folds aren’t lined up probably, but it ends up in a side dribble, even when I’m sitting down on the toilet. Squatting low to the ground on a golf course, however, is a problem too because you have to go deeper into the trees, and I hate getting down so close to the shrubbery and the twigs where I feel like I’m getting poked. But Jennifer wasn’t on a golf course. She’s clearly in the yard, what looks like a very nice yard, and could have used the bathroom proper. Which brings up my next question: no performance anxiety? I’m such an uptight person, clenched so hard, I can’t pee without practically meditating. Clearly Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t have that issue.

I have an issue with her dress though. The tulle is a different shade of white. That makes me crazy. I like the back, for sure, and even the heart detail over her heart, but at the end of the day, it looks like a cheap wedding dress, the kind of wedding dress that shows up in a school play in a scene about a wedding. 

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