Angelina Jolie says she has chicken pox

December 15, 2014 13:17:16 Posted at December 15, 2014 13:17:16
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Angelina Jolie will not be attending the Unbroken premiere tonight in Hollywood. Universal released a statement on Friday explaining why:

Universal Pictures today confirmed that Angelina Jolie will be withdrawing from public events scheduled over the coming days due to a mild bout of chicken pox. She intends to resume her schedule and press engagements at the earliest opportunity.
“You have to laugh at the timing,” the director commented. “I was sure nothing could stop me from supporting Unbroken. I am heartbroken to miss our premiere, most of all the chance to be there with Louie’s family, Phil’s daughter Karen, veterans and all the guests who are coming.”
Universal Pictures said: “We all wish Angelina a speedy recovery and look forward to her returning to her work very soon. She is in very good spirits, considering after two years of hard work, she will not be there the night it finally premieres.”
Monday night, her children and Brad will attend to represent her. Brad’s family has flown in for the occasion, and are all looking forward to seeing the film.

A video of the Jolie was also posted:

You’ll note, she says right off the top that she wants to be “clear and honest” about the situation. Because, of course, after the week she’s had, with the Sony email leaks and Scott Rudin calling her a “minimally talented spoiled brat” and getting shut out of the SAG Awards and the Golden Globes (while Jennifer Aniston got in there), many think she just can’t face it. That the wheels are coming off. That she just doesn’t want to be on a red carpet facing questions about the emails and questions about dwindling Oscar chances.

It’s her worst week in a decade…and then she decides to skip the premiere of her passion project? Chicken pox?

Coincidence or conspiracy?

Those who believe it’s a coincidence will point out that she would never bail on Louis Zamperini’s family, that she is too close to them and to the film to not honour her obligations on such an important occasion. And that with all those children running around her house, it’s understandable for them to have infected her. Children are germs, they really are. They’re little balls of gross running around with filthy hands. And given that she’s been running around promoting the movie so much lately, her immune system probably isn’t all that robust. Also, Jolie defenders would argue that she’d never let them see her stumble. That instead of hiding from the controversy and the criticism and the rejection from the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, she’d actually put on an even greater show – with Brad Pitt’s entire family in attendance, with all 6 of the kids, her face more beautiful than ever, and his hand on her ass the entire time, as if to say to the HFPA …

Look, you could have had us on your carpet doing this, and the photographers would have gone crazy, and you decided to pass? You’re f-cking crazy. And stupid.

Those who believe it’s a conspiracy however are wondering why she looks so… spacey in that video. Also wondering about vaccination schedules, in particular why she wouldn’t have been immunised against chicken pox as a standard requirement for her United Nations duties. (Supposedly you can still get them even if you’ve had the vax?) And where the pro-Jolie faction believes that she’s tough enough to face the public after her sh-tty week, the anti-Jolie among you believe that she can’t get her dick up unless she’s on top. And that she’s cowering now. That there were signs of a meltdown well before this. Remember the Sydney smoking incident? Click here for a refresher.

STAR Magazine is probably already putting together a new cover story this week about “Angelina using heroin again!”

Maybe it’s shingles.

As I wrote in the open, all I’ve been doing this weekend is freaking out about chicken pox, irritating my friends with my paranoia, and googling the sh-t out of chicken pox and shingles. I’m surrounded by people who have shingles. They tell me it has to do with stress. The Jolie has been stressed. So is it really shingles but she’s calling it chicken pox because if she told us it was shingles we’d all know she’s stressed, which would mean telling the world that she’s letting it all get to her?

Whatever it is, Angelina Jolie knows that she’s the best salesperson for Unbroken. And she needs Unbroken to open big. She needs Unbroken to be a Christmas movie event. She’s been pushing hard for this for a month. If she’s taking herself out of the game, at this point in the game…it has to be serious. Because it’s not just about Unbroken. It’s about the studio’s confidence in her. For this picture and for her upcoming pictures. The Jolie trying to transition out of acting and into full-time directing now, always a challenge for any woman, even the most famous woman in the world. Flaking under pressure is not the reputation she wants to have following her.

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