As IF Ashley Greene

October 18, 2011 18:59:45 Posted at October 18, 2011 18:59:45
Lainey Posted by Lainey

There’s a new Twilight movie coming out in a month. Just today I received an email from a friend about it (Relax, I’m not outing you, you can read the rest of the article without panicking) and she was wondering if she should go to see it at one of those theatres that will play all 3 preceding movies before the new one. That way it’s 8 hours of Robert Pattinson all at once. I have not replied.

Anyway, in advance of the upcoming hysteria, the faces of the franchise are appearing all over the magazines. This includes the third tier players. Like Ashley Greene who is on the cover of the November issue of Allure...because Kristen Stewart was already committed to something better.

What?

You think Allure would have chosen Ashley Greene over Kristen Stewart? If you said yes, you are wrong.  

Anyway, being on the cover of Allure has now given Ashley Greene a major case of the delusions and that gives us the opportunity to As IF her into Supporting Actress Eternity. For some, this is an honour. For her, it’s called Hell. Because in Ashley Greene’s mind, Ashley Greene is a Lead.

During her interview with Allure, Greene posits that she never wanted this kind of attention. That all she wants to do, for real, is to act:

"(Fame is) a double-edged sword. It's amazing to be known, and it's great that there is this audience that wants to know about me. But I'm like, 'I'm going to be known for coming out of the gym rather than [for] what film I have coming out.'"

As IF Ashley Greene has ever made any film that’s worth knowing for when it’s coming out. Take away the number of times she appears on blogs in her gym clothes - As IF people walk around saying to themselves, “Oh that Ashley Greene, I can’t wait to see her in that movie about the girl who marries the vampire”.

Have you EVER heard Twilight referred to as the Ashley Greene Movie?

As for her Twilight co-stars, now, suddenly, Ashley Greene’s on the same level as Robert Pattinson:

"Rob. Oh, Rob. He's very endearing, but you've seen his interviews. He's like, 'Ah, I don't know.... Oh, God,'" Greene bumbles in imitation. Despite poking a little fun at him, she credits Pattinson (she calls him a "phenomenal actor") and the rest of the actors for helping her cope with sudden fame. "All of us essentially were unknown. So everyone kind of went through this crazy whirlwind [together],'" Greene says. "It was really nice to be able to confide in people who were going through the exact same thing."

The same thing? Ashley Greene is the same as Pattinson and Kristen Stewart?

As IF Anna Wintour knows Ashley Greene. As IF Graydon Carter knows Ashley Greene. Ashley Greene could pass Anna Wintour in a restaurant and Anna would ask her for a clean fork!

The same thing?

As IF Kristen Stewart had to date the MIDDLE VAGINA JONAS VIRGIN to get some play, and even then no one cared!

The same way no one cares about Greene’s friendship with Seth McFarlane:

"Seth and I are friends, and he texts me: 'I didn't know that not only were we dating, but we have since been confirmed to not be dating,'" Greene says. "I can assure you that we're not."

Um, I spend my whole day reading gossip headlines. NEVER have I read a gossip headline about Seth McFarlane and Ashley Greene. As IF she didn’t try to create it though.

And As IF she’s Angelina f-cking Jolie!!!

"I'm really happy that she’s doing well," she says of Demi Lovato. The actress also rolls her eyes at the rumor that they fought over Jonas. "She and I never had a problem with each other," Greene says. "But, you know, it doesn't go away.... Jen Aniston still gets asked about Angelina Jolie."

As IF she didn’t just compare her pathetic little non-story to the Greatest Gossip Triangle in the Modern Gossip Era!

As IF she didn’t just give herself the Jolie position in her weak ass attempt to create for herself a triangle situation!

As IF she didn’t just liken JOE JONAS to BRAD PITT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is an emergency. It’s a crisis state. When people like Ashley Greene can go off talking about themselves like this and remain unchecked, we are officially in the sh-ts. Occupy Hollywood!
Click here to see more of Ashley Greene in Allure.

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