Ashlee Simpson Gossip

Ashlee Simpson gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

Jessica Simpson: two shades, same tranny

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 21, 2006 12:00:00 September 21, 2006 12:00:00

At the premiere and afterparty for Employee of the Month. Enough to make you shudder. Clearly, this girl will NEVER get it right. Thing is, I like the red dress. On Rachel Bilson, even Sarah Jessica Parker, with a different pair of shoes, no straps running up the stumpy calves, maybe even a different colour, the ensemble would have been a knockout hit. Full Story

Jessica Simpson: smart move #1

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 8, 2006 12:00:00 September 8, 2006 12:00:00

Well well. Looks like she"s not completely hopeless after all. And it also looks like she might have taken that my bit of advice to heart from the other day: "Time for a new team, honey. Starting with the father. In fact, get rid of ALL the men in your life and give Stephen Huvane call. That man has done wonders with mediocrity in the name of Aniston…can you imagine what he’d do with you???" Full text here Full Story

Jessica’s Downward Spiral

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 7, 2006 12:00:00 September 7, 2006 12:00:00

I’d say it’s time for an emergency Simpson Summit, wouldn’t you? I mean at this point, even I’m feeling a little sorry for the poor little twat. And if the bleeding doesn’t stop, I fear we might have another Hollywood breakdown on our hands. Let’s consider her recent string of humiliations, in no particular order, shall we? - Nick finds a girlfriend. Full Story

The Daily Hairapy: Jessica Simpson

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 6, 2006 12:00:00 September 6, 2006 12:00:00

If you"re going to chew me out for selling out, read this first, because selling out for Sunsilk once every few weeks pays for my bitch and it pays for gaygays and it pays for snarky smut- so will you forgive and excuse it and help a girl out? And will you direct your ire instead at Jessica Simpson? What gives this girl the right to sell extensions? To sell hair??? Would you want hair like this??? It"s poofy and flat in all the wrong places, it"s Sally Field 30 years too young, it"s natural, it"s white trash bob, it"s tacky ass crap, and it Does. Full Story

Worst EVER: Jessica Simpson

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 1, 2006 12:00:00 September 1, 2006 12:00:00

Sweet. Mother. Of. Karl. Lagerfeld – where is that bitchbeating fan when you need it??? I think we can all agree that Jessica Simpson is not a large woman. Far from it. But when she doesn’t dress to flatter her body, when she picks tits over hips and decides to eliminate her waist, the resulting effect is the worst possible fashion crime ever. Full Story

Jessica Simpson: Suck "n" Sprinkle

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 31, 2006 12:00:00 August 31, 2006 12:00:00

If you"re one of those prudish types, STOP READING NOW. And consider yourself warned. Otherwise, don"t be bitching to my inbox about crass and crude and blah blah blah. After all, smut is nothing if it ain"t dirty. Right then. About this Jessica Simpson/John Mayer hook up/publicity stunt/whatever. Full Story

Jessica Simpson: why big is bad

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 30, 2006 12:00:00 August 30, 2006 12:00:00

So you know my stance against big boobs, right? Quick recap - I have "em, I hate "em, if I had the courage, I"d lop "em off and risk divorce. Mostly because they"re a motherf&ckin" nuisance. But also because in my humble opinion, clothes look better on a board. Case in point - check out Jessie leaving TRL today. Full Story

Jess & Ken: Like Fag, Like Hag

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 23, 2006 12:00:00 August 23, 2006 12:00:00

I"m starting to have a crisis of confidence about Jessica Simpson. Is it just me? It must just be me. Maybe I"m the one with low classy taste. Maybe I"m the only one who fails to see the brilliance in all of this. Because if you ask me... who in their right f&cking mind would approve of these promo shots??? Especially the threeway. Full Story

Ashlee Simpson: Becoming Jennifer Grey

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 23, 2006 12:00:00 August 23, 2006 12:00:00

If you"re devoted to Dirty Dancing, the original of course, in which Baby should never be put in a corner, you should be familiar with Jennifer Grey, once a promising actress with a bright future and a unique, hawkey kinda nose - distinctive, different, delightful. And then she changed it. And something went horribly wrong. Full Story

Most Surprising: Nelly Furtado

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 21, 2006 12:00:00 August 21, 2006 12:00:00

Clever striping on a girl with a booty and shocker of shockers – she didn’t look wide…doesn’t that deserve at least a snap? Love the juicy booty, love the well proportioned body, that her legs aren’t pins, that everything balances out so evenly, that despite the fact that this dress clings to every inch of her, she doesn’t look like she’d be open to a gangbang right after the show. Full Story

Best Trailer Tranny: Jessica Simpson

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 21, 2006 12:00:00 August 21, 2006 12:00:00

Three hundred costume changes, one set of stubby legs, a stylist that should be fired, and the cheapest, cheapest red carpet number of the evening. Why in F&CK does this girl always get it so wrong??? I’m not going to bother dissecting the nightmare. You can see if for yourselves. You can see how the material bunches up in the most unflattering manner around her boobs, to say nothing of the colour. Full Story