Reese & Ryan: the other woman and the other women
Click here and here for a refresher. Both restaurant employees, both obviously morally suspect, but both also reassured by a married man that what he had was only the illusion of a marriage as opposed to the reality of one. As for those of you still skeptical that infidelity was involved in the split – even People Magazine, which normally only pimps out the “officially sanctioned word” is supposedly sniffing around the cheating angles, sending a local Vancouver stringer to dig for information at the restaurant I wrote about on Monday, looking for our waitress in question. Hey People Magazine – since you’re reading my column, remember…my prediction for the Sexiest Man Alive is Matt Damon. So if you’re not going to credit my site, at least make me right and don’t go for the safe McDreamy choice – just a suggestion. Sorry, I digress. We were talking about the waitress, just one of many waitresses, now there’s also talk of a school teacher in Toronto (will keep you posted), one of many no-name, no-fame, no-danger affairs and as I hear it, Reese was not exactly left out in the dark about it. My sources say that that was the arrangement and even though you will hear in the coming weeks that she was betrayed and misled and totally innocent and undeserving of said treatment, many believe she chose to live with it so long as she didn’t have to see it or hear about. I know this is hard to swallow for some, many of you will inevitably ask why, why she’d stay in a marriage that had fizzled, why she’d agree to be cuckolded, but if regular people like you and me and our neighbours and cousins and co-workers would stick around just to “keep up appearances”, why not a major Hollywood star whose public image is based on down home perfection and positivity? Besides, there are signs that she’s actually no stranger to how it all works (more on that later). If most of you agree that Tom and Katie are a sham to hide away the gay, then why not a young marriage turned convenient for the sake of an Oscar and the love of America? And it was working, wasn’t it? It was working until Ryan wanted out. A few people I’ve spoken with believe that he feels like he’s been trapped for too long, that he wants to get out, that he never had the Ashton Kutcher experience, he never tasted what Vince Vaughn has called “boy band booty”, that he’s itching to play and as such, he crossed the line deliberately by taking up with an actor this time instead of some random small town whore eager to f&ck a movie star, knowing that in doing so, Reese would not be able to stare down the embarrassment of sharing her husband with someone in the industry. Of course, since this is Hollywood, there is also talk of a trade off: she gets the sympathy, he tolerates vilification, they will agree amicably to a financial settlement (he’s not interested in money), and he will go forward, reinventing himself as a swinging single, open to the hype and the gossip afforded his peers. Reese, on the other hand, will bear it with dignity. She will not cry on Oprah, she will not invite Vanity Fair to her pity party, she will market herself as a single woman raising two lovely children while managing an important career, and she will hopefully – at least that’s what your emails indicate – hook up with Joaquin Phoenix…who was desperately in love with her during filming for Walk the Line and with whom there has always been buzz that she herself had an affair. All’s well that ends well…see?