Assy Style Articles

Bad celebrity fashion including Hollywood's worst dressed, out of date looks ugly red carpet, outfits and shoes, makeup mishaps, bad hair, and other fashion misses.

Lonely, sad Concrete Tits

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 19, 2008 09:16:14 November 19, 2008 09:16:14

I feel like it’s been a long time since she’s propped them out. Yay! Here’s Victoria Beckham with her concrete tits in white last night after a private event at Eva Longoria’s Beso restaurant. Eva wore black to the party, as did Hayden Panettiere. But there’s never been an upstager like Posh. Full Story

View All 10 Photos

Megan Meh

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 19, 2008 07:38:38 November 19, 2008 07:38:38

Megan Fox and her fiancé Brian Austin Green last night at the GQ event at the Chateau Marmont. Like…do you care? Said it before, will say it again. She’s an eternal Blender girl. The poor man’s Angelina Jolie. It’s crass, and I’m sorry, but Megan Fox is at best a handjob in the backseat, not even real sex from behind over the hood of the car, you know what I mean? And she can’t dress either. Full Story

One giant dealbreaker

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 17, 2008 10:55:00 November 17, 2008 10:55:00

I react to Mario Lopez the same way I react to roadkill or Pete Doherty: Ew. Remember when People Magazine named him the Hottest Bachelor? Ew!!!!!!!!! I don’t get it. To me Mario Lopez is head to toe one giant dealbreaker. Full Story

Those bangs…

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 14, 2008 11:24:12 November 14, 2008 11:24:12

Are the sh-ts. Does she know? Does the Alba Demon know? That she’s not Heidi Klum? I don’t think she knows. Because we already know she has an inflated opinion of her abilities – physical and professional. This is Jessica Alba last night at the Black Ball, hanging out with Alicia Keys and Justin Timberlake and trying to pretend she can roll in the same river of talent. Full Story

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Lots of freeze and wax and hairspray at the CMAs last night. And also much enthusiasm for the return of Shania Twain who modelled two dresses for the occasion and, well, as you can see from the earrings and the double wrist gold bangles and the slight feathering of the hair, needless to say, Shania from Canada brought the Nashville flair!

I can’t even talk about her shoes.

And I have Jennifer Aniston fatigue. From The Ivy onwards, it’s been a relentless assault all week long. And it’s still not over.

Thursday – online all day. Check back often!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

JailBait CakeFace

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 13, 2008 08:01:38 November 13, 2008 08:01:38

Miley Cyrus has finally succeeded in looking older than Ali Lohan. Congratulations! Check out JailBait at the CMAs last night if you can find her under that volcano of makeup that’s exploded all over her face. The point of being young and youthful and no wrinkles and NOT EVEN 16 (!) is to not have to embellish, isn’t it? Or was it? If looking OLD is in, why does Granny Nicole Kidman keep mutilating her face? JailBait brought along her dad and her 20 year old boyfriend Justin Gaston to the event amid rumours that he’s now living with her family. Full Story

Country Wax

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 13, 2008 07:58:58 November 13, 2008 07:58:58

Carrie Underwood won big last night at the CMAs. She also changed, like, 45 times. And each time she came out, she still looked like her wax figure so in the style department, she’s not exactly kicking Porny Simpson’s ass… As for that mall hair I mentioned in reference to Taylor Swift – straight on top, curly on bottom – perfect example right here on Country’s biggest bitch whose ego, if you can believe it, is actually heavier and more volatile, than her hair. Full Story

Shania’s back!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 12, 2008 09:28:00 November 12, 2008 09:28:00

It’s country’s big night! The CMAs! And People is reporting that the big surprise of the evening will be the newly single Shania Twain! She’s been keeping low since her devastating split from husband Mutt Lange earlier this year but clearly, on the industry’s biggest night, if Shania is present, it obviously means she’s ready to roll. Full Story

Blake Lively No Legs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 11, 2008 06:56:15 November 11, 2008 06:56:15

All the editors at W Magazine must be completely cock-eyed – the only way to explain the decision to make THIS the new cover. It’s Blake Lively. And her head is bigger, MUCH bigger, than her waist. And she has no legs. And her dress is too small. And she looks like a tranny. And … WhatThe F-ck??? An entire photo shoot and this is the best they could come up with? More importantly though… can Jenny Humphrey please f-ck off? Full Gossip Girl breakdown of last night’s episode coming soon. Full Story

What to wear to a luncheon

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 10, 2008 08:34:13 November 10, 2008 08:34:13

Saturday afternoon at the Beverly Wilshire for the Lupus LA Hollywood Bag Ladies Luncheon… Luncheon. This is what Mischa Barton decided to pull out of the closet – a page right out of Kate Beckinsale’s Overdressing Handbook. Since she broke my arm in Cannes Full Story

Overdressed, overtried, overold

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 7, 2008 10:01:00 November 7, 2008 10:01:00

It’s Hayden Panettiere at the Madonna concert last night with red lips, heels, all black and a plunging neckline. She’s 18! At a concert! Heidi Klum wore jeans, Kate Moss was casual, so was Lucy Liu, especially Isla Fisher…but Hayden had to be Hayden. Like a 40 years old. Only time she dresses her age is when other people do it for her on her tv show. Full Story

View All 9 Photos