Assy Style Articles

Bad celebrity fashion including Hollywood's worst dressed, out of date looks ugly red carpet, outfits and shoes, makeup mishaps, bad hair, and other fashion misses.

What can she do?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at October 1, 2008 14:30:19 October 1, 2008 14:30:19

Porny can’t act. Porny can’t dress. Porny can’t think. Porny can’t make good decisions. And now… Porny can’t sing. Call me Cruise but I always thought she could sing. At the very least, I thought she could do that. Her old songs may have sucked and her technique may have been gymnastic vocals at its worst, but I naively believed that the title “Jessica Simpson, singer”, was not a fallacy. Full Story

Maybe not with red lips

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 29, 2008 13:56:06 September 29, 2008 13:56:06

Just wrote last week about Jennifer Lopez’s open-mouth pose and how it makes my life. Should that be qualified by saying but maybe not with red lips? JLo was at Macy’s today – what’s with Macy’s lately!? – to launch her new fragrance “Deseo For Men”. You’ll note the dude she uses in the ad with her is not her own husband. Full Story

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Matching…and Presenting!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 29, 2008 07:33:07 September 29, 2008 07:33:07

Seriously… Why can’t they just hold hands? Just once? The GMD took his Robo out for dinner last night and as you can see, as usual, he had to present her to the paps, guiding her like a delicate lady child to and from the restaurant. You will note they coordinated fabrics before heading out. Full Story

The Heel-less Posh

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 29, 2008 06:31:24 September 29, 2008 06:31:24

Always entertaining, the Beckhams. Always better together than they are apart. Love. Them. And you are not seeing things. Here are Victoria and David in NYC at Macy’s on Friday promoting their new fragrance Signature. She is wearing thigh high boots, 5 and a half inches… without a heel. Full Story

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DanRad > Katie?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 26, 2008 07:21:12 September 26, 2008 07:21:12

Equus opened on Broadway last night with Daniel Radcliffe receiving rave reviews. Much more enthusiastic than Katie Holmes’s debut a week earlier. Oh but he’s…. so not cute anymore. Photos attached of Dan on stage and at the afterparty with his gross pubey facial hair in an awkward, if you’re trying to be ironic it’s definitely not working, dorky looking suit. Full Story

Worst Emmy Hair: Jennifer Love Hewitt

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 07:44:12 September 22, 2008 07:44:12

Size Two wore her hair for a small town prom. Or a small town wedding circa 1995. How the f&ck does this get past security? How the f&ck did she find a stylist even willing to do this? Ken Paves wouldn’t do this! Even Ken Paves would draw the line at this! I’m telling you…when you have to go out of state to get your hair did, it’s wrong. Full Story

Worst Emmy Makeup: Eva Longoria Parker

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 07:27:00 September 22, 2008 07:27:00

Too much hanging out with Posh. This is vintage Victoria Beckham: make everyone around you look worse. It’s working with Eva Longoria. And of course, it’s easy enough with Ken Paves cocking up her hair. The dress doesn’t help either. Of course it’s f&cking Marchesa! Photos from Wenn.com  Full Story

Most Emmy Endearing: Jenna Fischer

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 06:45:52 September 22, 2008 06:45:52

She’s not a fashion girl. So the dress… it’s obviously not the best. Far from the best. But it was a sweet effort, if not the most fashionable. Let’s focus instead on premiere week. The Office is back on Thursday and do we worry for Jim and Pam? It’s not television if there’s no difficulty. Full Story

Worst Emmy Wrinkle: Nicolette Sheridan

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 06:40:00 September 22, 2008 06:40:00

It’s a bold idea. But is bold good? I have a thing about wrinkles. It’s from my mother. She irons everything. And she would say, if she could see this dress… Chow chow. Chow is wrinkly in Cantonese. We like to repeat adjectives twice for added effect. Chow chow may be bold…but chow chow not good. Full Story

Most Emmy Disappointing: Mary Louise Parker

Lainey Posted by Lainey at September 22, 2008 06:32:48 September 22, 2008 06:32:48

Love her. Which is why it’s so sad. That she shopped at a truck stop in Vegas. It’s the ruching down the front. And the bedazzled straps. You know who wears a dress like this? It’s That Girl from your husband’s office who drunk calls him every weekend. The one you’d like to throw down at the Christmas party but end up sparing out of pity when she walks into the venue wearing this dress. Full Story