Assy Style Articles

Bad celebrity fashion including Hollywood's worst dressed, out of date looks ugly red carpet, outfits and shoes, makeup mishaps, bad hair, and other fashion misses.

A phone for my ma

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 9, 2011 08:39:55 May 9, 2011 08:39:55

Catherine Zeta-Jones is shooting a movie with Gerard Butler, Uma Thurman, and Jessica Biel in New Orleans. She hit up the New Orleans Jazz Festival with her mother, and also Jimmy Buffet’s wife Jane. CZJ is “listed” at 41. If you didn’t know it was her, and you just looked at her phone, and the way she’s tricked it out, would you think she was 41? Or would you put her closer to 65, living in Florida, going to bingo? Or 61, Chinese, hitting up the casino even in a wheelchair? This is what my ma did on Mother’s Day. Full Story

Cheryl Cole’s debut: Savvy or Stupid?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 9, 2011 06:52:58 May 9, 2011 06:52:58

Simon Cowell thinks she’s about to become a big hit. Now that her contract’s all ironed out, she’s officially joined US X Factor in America, showing up full pop at the auditions in LA. I can’t decide if this is really stupid or actually really smart. What she’s wearing, I mean. Full Story

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Met Worst: Livia Firth

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 3, 2011 12:40:54 May 3, 2011 12:40:54

I’m sorry! I know! It’s a terrible thing to say. And I love Colin Firth, you know I love him SO much. But... I need you take a look at Livia’s... PANTS. THOSE ARE PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those are, like, khaki capri pants. So... she dropped her kids off after school and threw some kind of cape around her waist, and let’s go? In some of the shots, it actually looks like, you know when you get hot so you take your sweater off and tie it around your hips? At the Met Gala??? How could I have made any other call? Fergie was the worst? Sure. Full Story

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Met SEX: Blake Lively

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 3, 2011 11:34:08 May 3, 2011 11:34:08

Her tits are not pouring out. Her ass is not hanging out. In fact, Blake Lively has probably never been more covered. And somehow, this girl, still she throws it out there all the time: SEX, SEX, SEX. Right? The way that sheet covers half her body, it’s like she’s in bed, strategically positioned invitingly, so that you want to lift a corner of that blanket over her and climb inside. Full Story

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Met Pathetic: Kristen Bell

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 3, 2011 11:04:11 May 3, 2011 11:04:11

And... sadly... Isla Fisher. There are so many things I cherish about my friend Laura but nothing more than the glee with which she hates on Kristen Bell. Laura is also my producer – in Cannes, at the Oscars, all over the world including Sundance where we forever bonded over mutual eye roll for Kristen Bell who, as you know, is barely anyone, but stalked around that place like she was too good to stop, and claimed she didn’t want to be cared about. Full Story

Met Worst Sateen: Madonna

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 3, 2011 10:29:58 May 3, 2011 10:29:58

Stella McCartney is obviously trying to stay out of it, whatever it is between Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna. She dressed them both. Madonna however did not sit with Stella and her usual girls. G and Stella were with Kate Hudson and Rashida Jones and Iman and I think Rihanna, while Madonna was...elsewhere. Full Story

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Met Glee-off: Dianna Agron & Lea Michele

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 3, 2011 09:28:02 May 3, 2011 09:28:02

How did they both end up in red? They can try to convince me until they’re red in the face that they did it “on purpose” but there is no way I’d believe it. I would however totally buy it if you tell me in two weeks that they’ll have a throwdown about it at work. Who won the red match? I don’t love red dresses ever, but for this battle, I’m taking Agron’s Michael Kors. Full Story

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Met Disappointing: Naomi Watts

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 3, 2011 08:48:02 May 3, 2011 08:48:02

Jesus. What just happened? I can see the seam on the shoulder because it’s sheer overlay which... gross. As in from the bowels of bad bridal, you know? All of it. From the belt to the cascading bedazzlement and again the no-colourness that seemed to prevail last night, this is not Naomi Watts at her best. Full Story

Worst Met Colour: Rashida Jones

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 3, 2011 08:00:23 May 3, 2011 08:00:23

Michelle sent me a note last night when all of us started hitting the wires to see the photos as they we released. Her message was simple: “How can this happen to someone so beautiful?”It’s true. Rashida Jones is beautiful. And she is dressed up in all kinds of bridesmaid purple wrong. Full Story

Met without the braid: Rihanna

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 3, 2011 07:41:21 May 3, 2011 07:41:21

Stella McCartney had some big names in her clothes last night. Madonna and Gwyneth (more on them later), Kate Hudson, as always, and Rihanna too, in a one shoulder black lace which, I mean it’s not something I’d pick for myself, but on Rihanna it fit beautifully, it’s made beautifully, with gorgeous lines, and enough drama on its own, it really didn’t need that extra bit of straw looped around her neck. Full Story

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Similar Met Bumps: Kate Hudson & Jessica Alba

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 3, 2011 06:23:30 May 3, 2011 06:23:30

I read somewhere, I can’t remember where, that Alba’s ensemble last night was one of the best. What? This is Jessica Alba, who is pregnant, in a no-colour Ralph Lauren, and I don’t see how this can be characterised as anything other than a mess. Look at that material. You know what that is? Go to Toys R Us. Full Story

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