Assy Style Articles

Bad celebrity fashion including Hollywood's worst dressed, out of date looks ugly red carpet, outfits and shoes, makeup mishaps, bad hair, and other fashion misses.

A Very Porny Christmas

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 29, 2010 07:45:34 December 29, 2010 07:45:34

My Porny Jessica Simpson just celebrated her first Christmas with golddigger Eric Johnson. According to her Twitter, they were at her parents’, and she called him the “perfect” addition. Because, even though she runs an almost billion dollar business, she’ll always be the second class citizen in a relationship. Full Story

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She’s not allowed to have friends

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 28, 2010 10:26:00 December 28, 2010 10:26:00

I’ve been meaning to gather the Best Twi-Hard Hatemail of 2010 for a year-end post but last night my laptop decided to be a bitch and die after I plugged it into the tv. The motherf-cker isn’t even 6 months old. Jacek has been trying to recover my data all night. So I have no access to my inbox, just webmail (accessing only emails over the last 24 hours), and I’m using his laptop which was my previous laptop. Full Story

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Christina gets away with it

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 17, 2010 09:30:12 December 17, 2010 09:30:12

So... She announces her divorce. Then hooks up five minutes later with her very own Kevin Federline who was an assistant on the set of Burlesque and now they’re inseparable... and somehow she manages to escape the cheater slap. How? Some would say that Christina’s people strategised well. Full Story

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Euro style sh-ts

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 17, 2010 08:02:22 December 17, 2010 08:02:22

It’s a photo heavy post because I’m not splitting up multiple articles to cover all the Jolie’s sartorial sh-ts from The Tourist premiere and photocalls in Italy and Spain. Let’s start from Wednesday night. Those assy satin pants. Even the Jolie, with her spindly legs, can’t make satin palazzo pants work, Jesus. Full Story

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Gift giving: Nathan Fillion

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 16, 2010 08:27:35 December 16, 2010 08:27:35

I receive a lot of requests for Nathan Fillion. And because he’s not a cover boy, he’s very rarely papped. It was a nice surprise then to see these shots of him, taken the other night, as he and his girlfriend were leaving dinner. Erm. I’m not sure if I’m down with her outfit. Full Story

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What’s with the white?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 15, 2010 08:09:00 December 15, 2010 08:09:00

My G wore white again to the Hollywood premiere of Country Strong last night. We already know she has too much superiority up her ass. Is this really the way to convince us that she can play country-worn, fragile on the outside but on the inside is something you can’t crush? If anything, at least in that dress, all we remember is that that’s Gwyneth Paltrow, always the thinnest and the tallest, and the most popular. Full Story

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Photo Assumption: Brad’s side-eye

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 15, 2010 07:16:30 December 15, 2010 07:16:30

I wonder if he sees it like we do when it comes to her style. In the first picture attached check out Brad Pitt’s side-eye. Photo Assumption says he’s thinking “Bitch, what do I have to do to get you to let me dress you?” I see Angelina Jolie like this and I want to hit something. Full Story

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Gwyneth Paltrow: Swifty for her star

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 13, 2010 14:22:21 December 13, 2010 14:22:21

GOOP received her star on the Walk of Fame today. Totally masturbatory exercise, obviously, in time to support Country Strong. Which is why Tim McGraw and Shana Feste were there, her co-star and director, and also Faith Hill, and Matthew Morrison too, just to remind you that she sang on Glee. By the way, it was confirmed today that she’d be back on the show for a second appearance. Full Story

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Jolie’s hair & the Chosen One Nutcracker

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 7, 2010 14:08:53 December 7, 2010 14:08:53

Fresh off her premiere last night, the Jolie was right back at it today with her first four children. Check out Maddox all gangsta with his fur hood. And Miss Zahara who couldn’t help but break bitchface to laugh with her sister the Chosen One who has apparently decided to style herself in the holiday spirit. Full Story

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Can’t you help her with her hair?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 7, 2010 07:15:34 December 7, 2010 07:15:34

Please. Brad Pitt knows. How to dress. Always. He has always cared about his appearance, he has always, always been a badass steezy motherf-cker. Look at him. See? Hot. And then there’s the Jolie, here last night at the New York premiere of The Tourist, in a very serviceable white Versace gown, but that goddamn hair like ass on her head. Full Story

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Marion Cotillard: the inevitable question

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 6, 2010 12:25:22 December 6, 2010 12:25:22

Marion Cotillard and Guillaume Cotillard attended the Marrakesh Film Festival this weekend – first the opening gala, where she wore that print dress with the feathers around the collar, and then the Tribute to French Cinema, where she was dressed in black, and on both occasions... I know what you’re about to say. Full Story

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