Assy Style Articles

Bad celebrity fashion including Hollywood's worst dressed, out of date looks ugly red carpet, outfits and shoes, makeup mishaps, bad hair, and other fashion misses.

You need to be great

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 7, 2011 11:32:41 January 7, 2011 11:32:41

I’m writing to Garrett Hedlund. Because lately it’s been a string of quiver killers, one after the other. TRON was terrible and he was terrible in it with his thigh thickness and bad acting. Also he’s not great in a photo call situation, as evidenced last night at a screening for Country Strong in New York. Full Story

Drew’s orange dress

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 6, 2011 07:22:51 January 6, 2011 07:22:51

Drew Barrymore turned up at the Cover Girl 50th anniversary party last night in LA. She’s a spokesperson for the brand. As you can see, she chose to wear citrus. And while I don’t mind the colour, I do mind that this thing probably cost a mortgage payment even though it looks like I could have put that sh-t together with a starter sewing kit. Full Story

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New Year toe, ring

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 4, 2011 14:03:03 January 4, 2011 14:03:03

Christina Aguilera has apparently been waving around a new ring. You know, I don’t get ring porn. Or bauble porn of any kind. I guess I’m dumb because of the value discrepancy but a good bag excites me so much more than a diamond. And, frankly, I find some people with their huuuuuuge diamonds a little tacky. Full Story

New Year, Same Porny

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 3, 2011 07:19:18 January 3, 2011 07:19:18

When I saw these photos of my Porny on New Year’s Eve in Aspen with her golddigging future husband, I wondered whether or not I knew the meaning of real, profound love. The kind real, profound love that moves one to abandon all senses, especially sight, and waddle out of the house in reindeer tights like I don’t give a f-ck. Full Story

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A Very Porny Christmas

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 29, 2010 07:45:34 December 29, 2010 07:45:34

My Porny Jessica Simpson just celebrated her first Christmas with golddigger Eric Johnson. According to her Twitter, they were at her parents’, and she called him the “perfect” addition. Because, even though she runs an almost billion dollar business, she’ll always be the second class citizen in a relationship. Full Story

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She’s not allowed to have friends

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 28, 2010 10:26:00 December 28, 2010 10:26:00

I’ve been meaning to gather the Best Twi-Hard Hatemail of 2010 for a year-end post but last night my laptop decided to be a bitch and die after I plugged it into the tv. The motherf-cker isn’t even 6 months old. Jacek has been trying to recover my data all night. So I have no access to my inbox, just webmail (accessing only emails over the last 24 hours), and I’m using his laptop which was my previous laptop. Full Story

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Christina gets away with it

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 17, 2010 09:30:12 December 17, 2010 09:30:12

So... She announces her divorce. Then hooks up five minutes later with her very own Kevin Federline who was an assistant on the set of Burlesque and now they’re inseparable... and somehow she manages to escape the cheater slap. How? Some would say that Christina’s people strategised well. Full Story

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Euro style sh-ts

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 17, 2010 08:02:22 December 17, 2010 08:02:22

It’s a photo heavy post because I’m not splitting up multiple articles to cover all the Jolie’s sartorial sh-ts from The Tourist premiere and photocalls in Italy and Spain. Let’s start from Wednesday night. Those assy satin pants. Even the Jolie, with her spindly legs, can’t make satin palazzo pants work, Jesus. Full Story

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Gift giving: Nathan Fillion

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 16, 2010 08:27:35 December 16, 2010 08:27:35

I receive a lot of requests for Nathan Fillion. And because he’s not a cover boy, he’s very rarely papped. It was a nice surprise then to see these shots of him, taken the other night, as he and his girlfriend were leaving dinner. Erm. I’m not sure if I’m down with her outfit. Full Story

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What’s with the white?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 15, 2010 08:09:00 December 15, 2010 08:09:00

My G wore white again to the Hollywood premiere of Country Strong last night. We already know she has too much superiority up her ass. Is this really the way to convince us that she can play country-worn, fragile on the outside but on the inside is something you can’t crush? If anything, at least in that dress, all we remember is that that’s Gwyneth Paltrow, always the thinnest and the tallest, and the most popular. Full Story

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Photo Assumption: Brad’s side-eye

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 15, 2010 07:16:30 December 15, 2010 07:16:30

I wonder if he sees it like we do when it comes to her style. In the first picture attached check out Brad Pitt’s side-eye. Photo Assumption says he’s thinking “Bitch, what do I have to do to get you to let me dress you?” I see Angelina Jolie like this and I want to hit something. Full Story

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