Assy Style Articles

Bad celebrity fashion including Hollywood's worst dressed, out of date looks ugly red carpet, outfits and shoes, makeup mishaps, bad hair, and other fashion misses.

Stop showing me your thighs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 4, 2010 14:06:58 January 4, 2010 14:06:58

I am a fickle bitch. Ordinarily this is not a particularly positive attribute but it can be quite useful when it comes to objects of fantasy. The whole point of a Freebie 5 is what happens with the unattainable quiver. They can’t unattainable quiver if they suck sh-t. Laura, my friend with the Robert Pattinson problem, is always pointing this out about me. Full Story

No playoffs for the famous

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 4, 2010 10:30:28 January 4, 2010 10:30:28

Marc Anthony bought into the Miami Dolphins this season. He and his wife have made it a home game tradition to roll out some kind of carpet, and Fergie, also a co-owner, showed up yesterday with Josh Duhamel to round out the season…which was a losing one. So many famous faces. No appearance in the playoffs. Full Story

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Best of 2009: Porny at the Chili Cook-off!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 31, 2009 14:51:46 December 31, 2009 14:51:46

Please. You know it was coming. There’s a special place in my heart for Jessica Simpson. She isn’t evil inside like Ebola Hilton. Porny’s issues stem from her father’s f-ckery, and the lack of true friendship and brain mass. But she’s not ill intentioned. There is genuine affection here. Full Story

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Worst of 2009: Ed Westwick at Teen Choice

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 30, 2009 08:23:39 December 30, 2009 08:23:39

You’ve blocked it out, haven’t you? My Shamef-ck showed up at Teen Choice in August shamef-cking me to hell in his rolled up jeans and no socks and loafers, puckering his lips and posing like a cross dressing private school punk ballerina stuck inside a music box, what? I don’t know what. Full Story

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JLo’s losing season

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 28, 2009 07:33:28 December 28, 2009 07:33:28

Ugh. My Dolphins pissed away the season. They lost yesterday to the Texans and can “technically” still make the playoffs but only IF they win next week and FOUR OTHER TEAMS LOSE. Please. It’s a waste of a season. And it’s Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez’s inaugural losing season. Full Story

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Robo’s lumberjack heels

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 24, 2009 07:40:47 December 24, 2009 07:40:47

Katie Holmes went shopping yesterday on her own … with bodyguards. Wonder what Little Sci is getting from Hermes. Along the way, she ran into a friend and remembered how to smile. Exhausted from all the money spending, Katie hit up the Starbucks for a coffee break. You will note, she’s dressed casually in jeans, a lumberjack shirt…and heels. Full Story

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Worst of 2009: Robo Gumby & Stumpy

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 21, 2009 15:39:31 December 21, 2009 15:39:31

Remember when Robo went to Washington for Memorial Day events and walked around on stilts? …the f-ck was up with these giant long leg pants? Five minutes later she was wearing terribly unflattering “mom on holiday” jeans. Indeed, 2009 gave us many Robo assy style moments. Some she designed, some others designed, and all made worse by her “creative eye”, now on sale at Maxfield, one of the most high priced exclusive shoppes in Los Angeles. Full Story

Are your breasts in this movie?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 18, 2009 07:33:54 December 18, 2009 07:33:54

Because the way she was hardposing and preening on the carpet last night in New York at the premiere of Sherlock Holmes, you’d think she was playing him herself. Lively Breasts needs to show some respect. Look at her. Look at her working that body. It’s a crazy ass body, no lie. But lately that body has been front and centre every time she ventures out in public. Full Story

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Red carpet in character

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 14, 2009 15:35:45 December 14, 2009 15:35:45

The Sherlock Holmes premiere went down tonight in London. As you can see, our star RDJ’s red carpet outfit appeared to be Sherlock-inspired. Love it. He was, as always, accompanied by his wife Susan. How’s the movie? There was a screening at the junket this weekend. Reviews will come soon but I’ve heard so far that it’s either very good, or plain good, and that it totally doesn’t suck. Full Story

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Garters in the winter

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 14, 2009 13:59:23 December 14, 2009 13:59:23

Oh look, it’s Taylor Momsen walking around New York trying to give you a glimpse of her snatch. You like the garters? She thinks she’s so punk as f-ck, non? Taylor was heading to set on Gossip Girl. I was agonising with my friend LB this weekend about my New York wardrobe. Here in Vancouver we can wear Converse year round. Full Story

Grounds for dismissal

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 14, 2009 10:21:16 December 14, 2009 10:21:16

I get emails all the time about Henry Cavill arguing his case on the Freebie 5. Based on his hotness in The Tudors? Worthy of consideration, sure. But the way he looked at the Grand Prix Horse Show this weekend? It’s grounds for dismissal. It’s a major, major setback. Ew. EW! If you need a palate cleaning, I suggest watching Henry’s Dunhill spot below. Full Story