Assy Style Articles

Bad celebrity fashion including Hollywood's worst dressed, out of date looks ugly red carpet, outfits and shoes, makeup mishaps, bad hair, and other fashion misses.

Nipple Day in London

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 10, 2009 15:35:04 June 10, 2009 15:35:04

The Posh stepped out earlier with her tit rocks all tweaked… Then in the evening, on the red carpet for the UK premiere of The Hangover, Heather Graham let her nipples do the talking too. Hello chilly breeze! Those are much nicer to look at than Victoria Beckham’s concretes though. Are Heather’s real? Yum. Full Story

View All 16 Photos

Concrete tweaked!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 10, 2009 06:53:00 June 10, 2009 06:53:00

There she is! It’s the Posh. And she’s been laying low recently. And we’ve missed her concrete tits. But here they are, sitting up high and fully rock hard tweaked, in London today to support Becks at the England match. She pretends she hates the paps but those nipples, those nipples always give her away. Full Story

I would get a reduction

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 9, 2009 06:51:47 June 9, 2009 06:51:47

A major improvement on that tacky ass sh-t she was wearing during the day yesterday – click here if you missed it – this is Porny out for dinner last night in New York with her mother in a sleek black dress with a little leather jacket and a pair of undoubtedly expensive shoes that she manages, in her trademark way, to make look cheap by simply wearing them. Full Story

View All 10 Photos

Who shops for her?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 8, 2009 15:59:00 June 8, 2009 15:59:00

I desperately need to know. Whoever it is, he/she needs to be terminated. That sh-t is horrendous. Sigh. Porny arrived in New York today. Was photographed heading to a meeting. From the waist down we’re good. She’s been working out, she’s showing off her lean legs. On top though, on top this is painful. Full Story

View All 10 Photos

Finding friends at the game

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 8, 2009 08:03:18 June 8, 2009 08:03:18

Vanessa Hudgens is off in Montreal filming a movie. And since LipGloss BlenderLegs Moist Face Zac Efron has no friends, he had to put in some man time at the Laker game last night. It’s actually rather endearing, seeing his face light up when the big boys pay attention to him. Reminds me of David Silver from the original 90210. Full Story

View All 9 Photos

Get over your ass

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 5, 2009 14:16:13 June 5, 2009 14:16:13

When Cameron Diaz appeared on Jimmy Fallon during his first week, she and Jimmy had an amazing dance-off at the end of her segment. Of course Shelfy had to come up with her own gimmick last night. She “trained” him. It was lame sh-ts. As always, it comes down to personality. Jessica Biel doesn’t have one. Full Story

Where is your tailor??????

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2009 11:31:54 June 4, 2009 11:31:54

Ok enough. Bradley Cooper is a hot piece, no doubt. And he has great hair. But there’s a pants problem going on. They’re either too tight – as evidenced in Toronto – or too f-cking short, as evidenced this morning at Regis & Kelly. Like, it’s practically capri length! I will see The Hangover this weekend. Full Story

Shelfy’s legs on Letterman

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 4, 2009 07:27:18 June 4, 2009 07:27:18

Shelfy has turned up the hustle this week. She’ll be on Ellen, she’ll be on Fallon, and last night she was on Letterman. Showed up in a short skirt and showed off a pair of lovely legs. Up top though… Maybe not the most flattering blouse? Looks shapeless through the middle. But whatever. Full Story

View All 14 Photos

LipGloss Blender Legs Moist Face

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 3, 2009 07:54:48 June 3, 2009 07:54:48

Really? You know who you are. You out there – you find this attractive? Really? Because I keep finding new things that are UNattractive about Zac Efron. You already know about the LipGloss, my husband can’t stand his mangled looking legs, and now … why is his face always so moist and dewy. Full Story

View All 9 Photos

From the Country Bitch’s closet

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 1, 2009 07:21:53 June 1, 2009 07:21:53

Cheating on your maybe gaybe husband is no excuse for looking like sh-t. This dress is so much ass I can only assume it comes from Carrie Underwood’s closet. Looks like something she would wear. It’s MTV. It’s the Movie Awards. Do it short or wear jeans. Or something that implies you’ve been at the beach. Full Story

Foxy Wax Face

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 1, 2009 07:03:03 June 1, 2009 07:03:03

Remember when Angelina showed up on carpet after carpet this past awards season with a weird waxy face? Guess who borrowed it last night for the Movie Awards? Her imitator. The Poor Man’s Jolie Megan Fox. Give.It.Up. Bathed in grease and fighting Christina Ricci’s forehead with her own, I was hoping Fox’s forehead would eat Miley Cyrus. Full Story

View All 20 Photos