Assy Style Articles

Bad celebrity fashion including Hollywood's worst dressed, out of date looks ugly red carpet, outfits and shoes, makeup mishaps, bad hair, and other fashion misses.

Porny’s Shamu Show

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 11, 2009 09:17:10 May 11, 2009 09:17:10

I reported a couple of weeks ago that Porny was scheduled to perform at SeaWorld in Texas. Saturday night she was there, mouth open wide wide, legs splayed on super high wedges in low classy amazingness, generously entertaining us as always. Always. When I’m feeling blue, all I have to do, is take a look at her. Full Story

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Robo Mother of the Bride

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 11, 2009 07:26:14 May 11, 2009 07:26:14

This is the problem: we’re misled these days that if we put our minds to it, “we can do anything”. Xenu says that through consistent and expensive auditing, “nothing is impossible”. Must be why Katie Holmes continues to believe she’s a f-cking clothing designer even though everything she’s made for herself sucks balls. Full Story

Looking uncomfortable

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 6, 2009 07:38:51 May 6, 2009 07:38:51

Jennifer Aniston’s new movie Management screened last night in New York. Here she is outside the theatre. Great that she’s not wearing black. Not so great because grey appears to be her new black. All the time. Not sure this is doing anything for her. Especially around the chest area. Is that a breast wrap? Whatever it is it’s not flattering. Full Story

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The purple is back

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 5, 2009 17:24:00 May 5, 2009 17:24:00

Chuck’s purple was missing for a few. It was back last night. And as Michelle noted, some sh-t went down. Not the most well-acted episode, but great escapist fun. Group plotting against one thieving bitch with impossible resources. Please! We all dreamed of a similar takedown in high school. And of course the best part, the heart and soul of this show – Blair and Chuck and their endless game of Russian Love Roulette. Full Story

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Shelfy the bride

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 5, 2009 11:18:56 May 5, 2009 11:18:56

Who got married yesterday? You would think it was Shelf Ass. It was her special day. Let me explain. At every photo agency database it was pretty much the same – two women occupied more pages and image space than any others. The first… Madonna. Obviously. The second. Jessica f-cking Biel. Full Story

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Swank sag tits

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 5, 2009 09:44:30 May 5, 2009 09:44:30

That episode of The Office – Hilary Swank, pretty or not? Please. Why is this even a debate? Maybe it’s just me. I don’t like her. I don’t like how she outed her ex husband as an addict in an interview with a dishy magazine. I also don’t understand why she has 2 Oscars. Full Story

Supermodel Cougar

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 5, 2009 09:30:11 May 5, 2009 09:30:11

Fack. This is not Teri Hatcher. Or Kelly Preston in that Maroon 5 video. This is Cindy Crawford. Cindy Crawford, whose husband is being sued for sexual harrassment after years of loud whispers about his philandering ways as George Clooney steps up to defend him. Her dress says it all, non? It's dated and desperate, decidedly cheap. Full Story

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Overdress-Off!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 5, 2009 08:47:42 May 5, 2009 08:47:42

Battle of the overdressers: In one corner, the usual. Who else? Kate Beckinsale. F-ck! Does she have to? Can she help herself? Kate Beckinsale does not know the meaning of restraint. None. It’s Marchesa. No wonder I hate it. Besides, Penelope Cruz did this already and better. Her opponent: Elizabeth Hurley in Elie Saab. Full Story

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Mother daughter fail

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 5, 2009 08:29:24 May 5, 2009 08:29:24

Those of you who’ve been visiting the site for a while have heard about this already. But it’s one of the best memories of my life. Lara – I miss you. I miss us getting completely rejected by Anna Wintour Full Story

The Madonna Debate

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 5, 2009 08:20:01 May 5, 2009 08:20:01

We spent a significant amount time on this last night over Skype, Michelle and I. Obviously Madonna wasn’t hoping to make the Best Dressed List with this selection. Madonna is many things. But Madonna is not stupid. She wasn’t looking to the MiniVan to gasp with delight over that thing in her head and her muscles popping like flashbulbs. Full Story

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Leighton > Lively

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 5, 2009 07:48:28 May 5, 2009 07:48:28

90% of you and an entire fleet of MiniVans will disagree… Blake’s was the safer choice. Pretty and soothing in blue and blonde and boring as f-ck and a cheap slit too. It’s Versace. I’m asleep. Like when Serena talks in her one voice, incapable of modulation. Lulls you into a coma. Full Story

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