Assy Style Articles

Bad celebrity fashion including Hollywood's worst dressed, out of date looks ugly red carpet, outfits and shoes, makeup mishaps, bad hair, and other fashion misses.

Still singing, still Porny

February 26, 2009 14:22:20 Posted at February 26, 2009 14:22:20
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The other day I reported on information from sources that Jessica Simpson had fired her band and was scrapping the tour. Gossip is a speculative business - every once in a while, there’s a bad tip. I’m sorry about that. But I’m not sorry about the fact that she didn’t quit. Because in not quitting, Porny provided us with this: photos from her performance in Idaho. Full Story

Vagina Virgin style

February 25, 2009 08:45:53 Posted at February 25, 2009 08:45:53
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Please explain this to me. I realise it’s been a long time since I was 20. Even though it feels like it was just last week, I know that 20 is far, far away. But still… It’s not that far away. I’d like to think some things don’t change so drastically. I’d like to think that what I think of what Joe Jonas is wearing is pretty universal, no matter how long ago 20 actually was. Full Story

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Oscar Worst Dressed: Reese Witherspoon

February 24, 2009 07:21:17 Posted at February 24, 2009 07:21:17
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Topping the Worst Dressed is almost an art. It’s too easy to name Jessica Biel the worst dressed. You expect it. What’s the challenge? But Reese Witherspoon… You don’t expect it from Reese Witherspoon. You don’t go into the Oscars thinking Reese Witherspoon will suck it the hardest with all she has to choose from. Full Story

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Oscar napkin or towel?

February 23, 2009 14:09:55 Posted at February 23, 2009 14:09:55
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I say napkin. Like a napkin tucked in during a meal. But some of you are saying towel, a towel hanging on a bar in your bathroom. Whatever the case… It’s balls! And it’s f-cking amazing! When we saw this on the pool feed, I almost twisted my ankle jumping up and down with excitement on my 6 inches. Full Story

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Worst Oscar Hair: Alicia Keys

February 23, 2009 08:18:40 Posted at February 23, 2009 08:18:40
Lainey Posted by Lainey

This hurts me. Very badly. Because I love her. She is perfect. She is kind and smart and she purrs. Michelle says she purrs when she talks. She can purr in my ear all day. Of course she’s sooooo beautiful too. But the hair, the hair is so obviously a fake, some kind of wig/weave/whatever…it made me sad. Full Story

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Oscar LipGloss and borrowed prunes: Zac Efron & VH

February 23, 2009 07:12:00 Posted at February 23, 2009 07:12:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

MK Olsen, having no use for them anymore after the Spirit Awards, loaned her prunes to Vanessa Hudgens last night who gave them a very good workout, in between moments when she wasn’t scowling about her dress. Bitch, if you can’t control the dress, don’t f-ckin’ wear it. Also – it looked cheap. Full Story

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Worst Oscar Couple: SJP & Matthew Broderick

February 23, 2009 06:58:36 Posted at February 23, 2009 06:58:36
Lainey Posted by Lainey

He was BORED. He looked bored from the moment they arrived, he looked bored up and down the carpet, he looked bored at Vanity Fair, he looked bored because he wasn’t doing what HE wanted. This photo of them touching noses – the man is straight up queasy at the sheer proximity of his wife. Full Story

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Worst Oscar Red: Amanda Seyfried

February 23, 2009 06:11:23 Posted at February 23, 2009 06:11:23
Lainey Posted by Lainey

You know I love her. And her hair in Mamma Mia was my hair inspiration last night. Amanda Seyfried is definitely a “next”. Most of Meryl’s girls are: Emily Blunt, Amy Adams, Anne Hathaway, Amanda Seyfriend… only Lindsay Lohan managed to f-ck it up. But Amanda, for her first Oscars, on a night of many red dresses, oh this was not good. Full Story

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Worst Oscar Ming Vase: Beyonce

February 23, 2009 05:04:45 Posted at February 23, 2009 05:04:45
Lainey Posted by Lainey

She’s killing that song for me. Is she killing it for you? Suddenly At Last has become Beyonce’s signature song. Suddenly At Last is getting removed from my iPod. First though, let’s start with the carpet dress. The carpet dress was the ass. The carpet dress blinded half the bleacher section. Full Story

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Oscar cheap tacky TV: Melissa George

February 23, 2009 04:30:00 Posted at February 23, 2009 04:30:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Another case of who-invited-you-and-what-is-your-name. I don’t know…apparently she’s on Grey’s Anatomy now? Yes, this is a television show. So how did Melissa George score a ticket? Oh right. Disney. ABC. Grey’s. Ugh. It was embarrassing watching her. Embarrassing looking at her dress. Full Story

Sateen jumpsuit and bad eyeliner

February 20, 2009 08:49:00 Posted at February 20, 2009 08:49:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Maggie Grace last night at the Global Green pre-Oscar party – what a f-cking mess. Sateen + Jumpsuit = HORROR Then the winged liquid liner, at least that’s what it looks like. Should be illegal. This is something I am particularly sensitive about. Because as an Asian, so many old school makeup artists think this is what has to happen with our “exotic” eyes. Full Story