Assy Style Articles

Bad celebrity fashion including Hollywood's worst dressed, out of date looks ugly red carpet, outfits and shoes, makeup mishaps, bad hair, and other fashion misses.

Porny covered everywhere!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 4, 2009 12:14:05 February 4, 2009 12:14:05

When you go for groceries this weekend, you’ll be staring at Porny while you pay. THREE tabloid covers this week – all featuring Porny’s pants! Was she this famous at the height of newlyweds? Was she this famous when her divorce was announced? Debatable. Oh put your pity hearts away! This is working FOR her, gossips, not against her. Full Story

Help me understand

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 4, 2009 09:09:08 February 4, 2009 09:09:08

In some circles, this man is known as a heartthrob. A loin wizard. A headboard banger. A quiver master. Him? Cristiano Ronaldo, Manchester United, seen here yesterday in Cheshire. Like, I get it. Things are different in Euro. More fashion forward and also more open to cheese. I get it. But this dude. Full Story

Drew Bow

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 3, 2009 07:19:33 February 3, 2009 07:19:33

Enough. She had that old school Marilyn whatever assness going on at the Globes a few weeks ago, and last night on the carpet for That Movie Drew pulled her hair up into a 1950s ponytail and pranced around all girlypoo at the sock hop. Ugh. The poor bow on her dress must have been listening to John Mayer’s music on the way over. Full Story

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Table for 2?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 3, 2009 06:53:19 February 3, 2009 06:53:19

Date tonight? How about Chinese? Maybe Thai? This is your hostess. She’s called brunette Scarlett Johansson. “Tay-bow faw toooo?” Hate eating at places like that. And hate Scarlett’s styling last night at He’s Just Not That Into You. Not necessarily the dress. The dress I love. Full Story

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Too much beer?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 3, 2009 06:37:31 February 3, 2009 06:37:31

Jennifer Aniston on the carpet last night at the premiere of He’s Just Not That Into You. A rare miss. Because you know the Aniston. The hair, the body, the tan, the glow…the Aniston is always working, the Aniston always looks good, the Aniston can’t afford not to look good. She doesn’t have much else. Full Story

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Josh jogs, Kiki’s clogs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 2, 2009 17:41:02 February 2, 2009 17:41:02

Am told they’re seeing each other casually but quietly – Josh Hartnett and Kirsten Dunst. Both are currently in New York. He was spotted jogging today and this is Kiki out for lunch with a friend on the weekend. Josh was my summer crush 7 summers ago. Whenever 40 days nights whatever came out. Full Story

More famous than ever

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 2, 2009 08:39:05 February 2, 2009 08:39:05

I stopped by the supermarket yesterday and while I was waiting in line to pay Porny’s Pants were everywhere. Almost every cover. There’s Porny in her high waisted atrocity, one breast fighting the other breast underneath that black tank, more famous than she’s been in years. Years. Full Story

Keep the shoes on

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 30, 2009 06:38:36 January 30, 2009 06:38:36

Still tacky as sh-t but definitely an improvement on her diaper jeans from the chili fair – this is Porny performing in Charlottesville, Virginia yesterday in leather pants and a black blazer. But then she took her shoes off. And the sight of a woman, in leather pants and bare feet…it’s just so low classy, non? It’s just so f-cking base. Full Story

What a difference…

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 29, 2009 06:48:08 January 29, 2009 06:48:08

My girl Porny arriving in Virginia yesterday after a sh-tstorm this week over her body. Have always said, Jessica Simpson is at her best casual, with minimum makeup and natural(ish) hair. On these occasions, usually at airports, she is a knockout. SO pretty. Unfortunately, as a result of her low classy taste, and her dumbass hairstylist Ken Paves, the stage Jess is always too loud, too poufy, too tranny, too Porny, too high-waisted, and two belts. Full Story

Brange sateen

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 29, 2009 06:34:40 January 29, 2009 06:34:40

It’s the Brange on the red carpet in Tokyo for the Benjamin Button premiere electrifying the Hello Kitties, continuing to work it, work it, work it. As mentioned earlier, Slumdog is under attack. And Brad’s film is not. The Los Angeles Times Full Story

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Size 2 is everywhere

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 28, 2009 13:15:34 January 28, 2009 13:15:34

This Porny Simpson business… As you know, these photos have made headlines everywhere. Like if the Brange hadn’t come along to show off the family in Tokyo, Porny’s pictures would have been the top story all week long. But no one beats the Brange. For the record, in the original article here posted on Monday, I wrote very clearly that “Jessica Simpson has a lovely body. Full Story