Assy Style Articles

Bad celebrity fashion including Hollywood's worst dressed, out of date looks ugly red carpet, outfits and shoes, makeup mishaps, bad hair, and other fashion misses.

BAFTA Stripper: Marisa Tomei

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 9, 2009 05:46:00 February 9, 2009 05:46:00

Enough with the Academy rewarding strippers with a heart of gold. Every year there’s a stripper with a heart of gold nominated for something. Am over it. It’s done. Anyway, Marisa apparently dressed for her character at the BAFTAs – f*ck me hair and a showgirl dress that’s seen better days, like a girl who has seen better days, used hard and dried up… She’s been hanging out with Mickey Rourke too long, I think. Full Story

The BAFTAs 2009

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 9, 2009 05:14:59 February 9, 2009 05:14:59

I love the BAFTAs. They’re so all business. It’s like, let’s get on with it, move it along, we’re not caught up in our own importance. And the feed I was watching was broadcast straight through with only one commercial break after the first hour. Maybe that’s why they sold their name to Orange. Full Story

Porny covered everywhere!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 4, 2009 12:14:05 February 4, 2009 12:14:05

When you go for groceries this weekend, you’ll be staring at Porny while you pay. THREE tabloid covers this week – all featuring Porny’s pants! Was she this famous at the height of newlyweds? Was she this famous when her divorce was announced? Debatable. Oh put your pity hearts away! This is working FOR her, gossips, not against her. Full Story

Help me understand

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 4, 2009 09:09:08 February 4, 2009 09:09:08

In some circles, this man is known as a heartthrob. A loin wizard. A headboard banger. A quiver master. Him? Cristiano Ronaldo, Manchester United, seen here yesterday in Cheshire. Like, I get it. Things are different in Euro. More fashion forward and also more open to cheese. I get it. But this dude. Full Story

Drew Bow

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 3, 2009 07:19:33 February 3, 2009 07:19:33

Enough. She had that old school Marilyn whatever assness going on at the Globes a few weeks ago, and last night on the carpet for That Movie Drew pulled her hair up into a 1950s ponytail and pranced around all girlypoo at the sock hop. Ugh. The poor bow on her dress must have been listening to John Mayer’s music on the way over. Full Story

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Table for 2?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 3, 2009 06:53:19 February 3, 2009 06:53:19

Date tonight? How about Chinese? Maybe Thai? This is your hostess. She’s called brunette Scarlett Johansson. “Tay-bow faw toooo?” Hate eating at places like that. And hate Scarlett’s styling last night at He’s Just Not That Into You. Not necessarily the dress. The dress I love. Full Story

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Too much beer?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 3, 2009 06:37:31 February 3, 2009 06:37:31

Jennifer Aniston on the carpet last night at the premiere of He’s Just Not That Into You. A rare miss. Because you know the Aniston. The hair, the body, the tan, the glow…the Aniston is always working, the Aniston always looks good, the Aniston can’t afford not to look good. She doesn’t have much else. Full Story

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Josh jogs, Kiki’s clogs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 2, 2009 17:41:02 February 2, 2009 17:41:02

Am told they’re seeing each other casually but quietly – Josh Hartnett and Kirsten Dunst. Both are currently in New York. He was spotted jogging today and this is Kiki out for lunch with a friend on the weekend. Josh was my summer crush 7 summers ago. Whenever 40 days nights whatever came out. Full Story

More famous than ever

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 2, 2009 08:39:05 February 2, 2009 08:39:05

I stopped by the supermarket yesterday and while I was waiting in line to pay Porny’s Pants were everywhere. Almost every cover. There’s Porny in her high waisted atrocity, one breast fighting the other breast underneath that black tank, more famous than she’s been in years. Years. Full Story

Keep the shoes on

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 30, 2009 06:38:36 January 30, 2009 06:38:36

Still tacky as sh-t but definitely an improvement on her diaper jeans from the chili fair – this is Porny performing in Charlottesville, Virginia yesterday in leather pants and a black blazer. But then she took her shoes off. And the sight of a woman, in leather pants and bare feet…it’s just so low classy, non? It’s just so f-cking base. Full Story

What a difference…

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 29, 2009 06:48:08 January 29, 2009 06:48:08

My girl Porny arriving in Virginia yesterday after a sh-tstorm this week over her body. Have always said, Jessica Simpson is at her best casual, with minimum makeup and natural(ish) hair. On these occasions, usually at airports, she is a knockout. SO pretty. Unfortunately, as a result of her low classy taste, and her dumbass hairstylist Ken Paves, the stage Jess is always too loud, too poufy, too tranny, too Porny, too high-waisted, and two belts. Full Story