Assy Style Articles

Bad celebrity fashion including Hollywood's worst dressed, out of date looks ugly red carpet, outfits and shoes, makeup mishaps, bad hair, and other fashion misses.

The First Couple of Fail

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 27, 2009 11:45:10 January 27, 2009 11:45:10

There is no hate-on for Porny. Quite the opposite actually. Over time, my black ass heart has opened for Jessica Simpson out of sheer pity. She doesn’t mean unwell. She’s not poorly intentioned. But she was raised, well, you know, by a dude who freely talks about her D cups. And without friends, without girls like us, she really never had a chance to be a girl like us. Full Story

Even her

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 26, 2009 10:38:24 January 26, 2009 10:38:24

As repeated too many times, my friend Michelle has a thing about sateen. It makes her crazy. Michelle is a tv producer. Sateen looks terrible on television and in photographs. So unflattering. Lumps where there are no lumps. Even Victoria Beckham. Here’s Posh arriving at LAX yesterday surprisingly underdressed by her standards. Full Story

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Porny Happy New Year!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 26, 2009 08:15:00 January 26, 2009 08:15:00

You know the photo. The Classic Jessica Simpson High Waisted Photo. It made our lives. It continues to make our lives. On a rainy day. If work is the sh-ts. If your mother won’t get off your ass about sending her to Vegas for her birthday… There’s Porny in her pants giving us a reason to live again. Full Story

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SAG Worst: Eva Longoria

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 26, 2009 07:59:26 January 26, 2009 07:59:26

What is the point of Eva Longoria? What is the reason for Eva Longoria? Is there a reason for Eva Longoria? I don’t understand. Like, this dress. This dress, the colour, this colour is for food. Some food colours don’t belong on a dress. This food colour doesn’t belong on this dress. Full Story

SAG Prom: Freida Pinto

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 26, 2009 06:40:21 January 26, 2009 06:40:21

Please. Find her a stylist. Or sack the existing one. It’s a crime this girl, as gorgeous as she is, cannot live up to her true potential on a big night. Because at every major carpet this season, Freida Pinto is wearing a prom dress. SAG was no exception. It’s the colour. Gross. It’s the old lady weaving in the chest area that screams Arlene’s Dress Shoppe – for all your fancy occasions! Brutal. Full Story

Worst SAG White: Teri Hatcher

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 26, 2009 06:26:18 January 26, 2009 06:26:18

Desperate Housewives is still bringing big ratings. This explains why they’re still invited. But really…it’s not 2004 anymore. People may care about the show, but no one cares about the actors. So far all intents and purposes, it’s like they’re CSI, you know what I mean? This must be why they insist on slapping us in the face on the carpet for fear we won’t notice. Full Story

Worst SAG neutral: American Ferrera

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 26, 2009 06:15:11 January 26, 2009 06:15:11

Washed her out. Badly. She has such beautiful skin. Normally it pops. The taupe stopped the pop. The taupe killed the pop. Duana took issue with the chest area. The way the tulle is pinned - it’s a mess. And look closely. See if you can zoom in to where the bodice meets the skirt. The exposed stitching…it’s WHITE. Full Story

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SAG Disappointing: Emily Blunt

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 26, 2009 05:54:00 January 26, 2009 05:54:00

That’s a sick body. But that is also a low classy looking dress. And it breaks my heart. Because as you know, Emily Blunt is a favourite. But this…this is budget. When the seam that splits from her breasts does not travel a straight line down, all the way down, to me that screams cheap. It’s unpolished. Full Story

Why him?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 15, 2009 08:57:52 January 15, 2009 08:57:52

It’s not like he’s the new Jack Nicholson. And he’s ass too look at so… Why Brendan Fraser? Don’t get it. It was announced yesterday that Fraser has been cast alongside Harrison Ford in a new medical movie based on Pulitzer prize winning book The Cure. Full Story

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Will’s worst pants

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 14, 2009 16:12:38 January 14, 2009 16:12:38

This is the first time in a long time that Will Smith hasn’t looked great in clothes. Like, those pants. Those pants are ass. They’re not hanging right. They hanging like he’s wearing longjohns underneath. They actually fit like the GMD’s pants used to. Before he lost 15 years and 15 pounds. Full Story

Always with mom

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 13, 2009 07:17:14 January 13, 2009 07:17:14

That asstalking ingrate Katherine Heigl was not at the Globes on Sunday. Unlike previous years, Grey’s was not represented at the show because, well, it sucks. The second half of 2008 was very, very quiet for Heigl. After shooting off her mouth about her writers’ undeserving plotline, she smartly disappeared for while, did not go shopping every day with the paps, and has since remained very much undercover, celebrating her first year anniversary recently, collecting a meaningless People’s Choice Award and, yes, spending time with mom, her manager. Full Story