Assy Style Articles

Bad celebrity fashion including Hollywood's worst dressed, out of date looks ugly red carpet, outfits and shoes, makeup mishaps, bad hair, and other fashion misses.

Globes Worst: Megan Fox

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 12, 2009 10:52:18 January 12, 2009 10:52:18

A major event red carpet can be a great equaliser. Without the false hype generated by a calculated single-focus strategy on behalf of one star, awards shows like the Globes separate the top from the bottom. The true celebrities from the pretenders. And this is Megan Fox. On a night when the Brange ruled, as they always do when they are present, when the GMD reclaimed some of his former glory, when Kate Winslet took home double, when Drew and Cam and Pene and Salma played the girly show, Megan Fox was put in her place proving once and for all that her existence is entirely superfluous. Full Story

Globes Rossum: Anne Hathaway

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 12, 2009 09:18:59 January 12, 2009 09:18:59

Could be the lingering effects of that insipid acceptance speech last week at Critics’ Choice when Angie gave her the death stare, could be the way she was fluttering around like a debutante at the ball last night when it’s not her first time, could be this dress… Grace of Monaco did it better. Full Story

Globes Best Goldwhore: Jennifer Lopez

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 12, 2009 09:06:07 January 12, 2009 09:06:07

This is what we live for. Attention whores and red carpet spotlight grabs. These are the moves that define smut, that shape good gossip, and once upon a time, Jennifer Lopez was our queen. Then she married Marc Anthony and he shut her away in his oppressive vampire castle. But there has been a rebirth of the diva inside the JLo. Full Story

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Globes Worst Makeup: Drew Barrymore

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 12, 2009 08:47:53 January 12, 2009 08:47:53

She was a hot mess last night. In every sense. So it’s a testament to her beauty that she did not look ugly. But that dress was a cheap disaster. And the grey eye shadow, oh la. Too much, too obvious, too desperate. Grey Gardens. We get it. The gays all get it. But makeup is makeup. It’s not a f-cking movie promotion. Full Story

Globes Worst Black: Renee Zellweger

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 12, 2009 08:29:01 January 12, 2009 08:29:01

Most will probably be naming her Worst Dressed today. But that’s too easy. And it’s also unappreciative. Because some choices are so spectacularly bad, they serve to entertain and the assyness of Renee Zellweger last night was amazing. We should be thanking her. You were gaping, right? You called up your gay and squealed, right? Once every carpet, a dress will do that. Full Story

Globes Worst White: Eva Mendes

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 12, 2009 07:56:14 January 12, 2009 07:56:14

Her necklace, yes. But she looks the same. Over and over again, she’s wearing the same strapless dress in a different colour and her hair’s up and teased with a fringe…again. That’s the thing about this girl. She’s so attractive and yet she totally fades into the background. Full Story

Globes Worst Colour: Eva Longoria

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 12, 2009 07:34:53 January 12, 2009 07:34:53

Like, why does she even matter anymore? Why is she presenting? Who cares? It’s Eva Longoria! She’s the afterthought in the Posh/Katie/Beckinsale friend posse. She’s the hanger-on at the party. She’s totally 2004. And she’s a pageant girl forever. Holy mother of Vanessa Minnillo – what the f-ck is she wearing??? This is the kind of sh-t that should earn a lifetime ban. Full Story

Globe Neutrals: Demi/Pene/Salma

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 12, 2009 07:31:03 January 12, 2009 07:31:03

Wasn’t feeling it. All those neutrals, nudes, and light grey. Meh. Even Salma who is ordinarily spectacular. Meh. The ageless Demi, perhaps the best of the boring because of her great hair and Ashton is a babe, but still… meh. And Penelope Cruz especially. Washed her out. And I’m done with the teasing at the crown with her bangs. Full Story

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Globes Worst Hair: Debra Messing

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 12, 2009 06:48:20 January 12, 2009 06:48:20

Sit DOWN Debra Messing. Better yet – go away. Am so over her. And that hair. That hair had desperation all over and inside of it. That hair had her agent and her publicist lurking around it. Her entire talent team randomly popping out of it, begging someone, anyone, especially Jeff Zucker for a return to network television. Full Story

Globes Worst Fit: Blake Lively

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 12, 2009 06:27:44 January 12, 2009 06:27:44

Like by 2 sizes. At least. Chill before you start foaming at the mouth and composing that hate mail. Am not saying she’s big. Of course she’s not big. But she’s making herself look bigger by stuffing her body into a dress that doesn’t fit. Take a closer look – that sh-t is so tight she can’t even tuck the hanger straps all the way into the side. Full Story

The two that don’t belong

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 9, 2009 06:36:12 January 9, 2009 06:36:12

Eva Longoria and Katy Perry… On EVERY level. Like WAY out of their league. And of course they both look like ass. Total ASS. Katy, poor thing, appears to be completely overwhelmed and tried too hard with that ridiculous dress. What the hell is she doing there??? And Eva, oh Eva, as always, armed with Ken Paves’s tacky brush, seems incapable of wearing a colour that doesn’t belong at a children’s birthday party. Full Story

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