Assy Style Articles

Bad celebrity fashion including Hollywood's worst dressed, out of date looks ugly red carpet, outfits and shoes, makeup mishaps, bad hair, and other fashion misses.

JailBait at the AMAs

November 24, 2008 07:57:13 Posted at November 24, 2008 07:57:13
Lainey Posted by Lainey

She celebrated her birthday on Sunday at the American Music Awards. Finally but only16. And rumoured to be already living with her loser 20 year old boyfriend with the blessing of her father. This must be why Miley Cyrus keeps looking older every time we see her. Last night it was like she aged 10 years. Full Story

Glitter at the AMAs

November 24, 2008 07:34:00 Posted at November 24, 2008 07:34:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Ugh. So over the Vegas look. And so over Christina Aguilera. Does she matter anymore? Her performance was my pee break, maybe because last night, as it was at the VMAs in September, it was another medley of old music. Seriously, that is some lame sh-t. Like if you have nothing new to offer, why the f-ck are you there??? Then there’s Taylor Swift, Christina’s straight banged and glitter sister. Full Story

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It’s always herm on her

November 20, 2008 11:21:59 Posted at November 20, 2008 11:21:59
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Picture the hat and the cute dress and the flats, picture it on Rachel McAdams, or Nicole Richie, on anyone else but Shelfy. Love it, right? But Shelf Ass Jessica Biel, she herms up everything she wears. It’s not about being too fit. Too fit is great. But the gracelessness, as though a low “guhhhh” follows her wherever she goes, makes “pretty” an entirely inappropriate attribute for the love of Pippy’s life. Full Story

These are not the tights

November 19, 2008 10:23:35 Posted at November 19, 2008 10:23:35
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Duana and I debated every day in Paris about those Chanel tights. So amazing. So expensive. $400. Le sigh. We walked away. But these… These earrings… These are not the tights. So not the same thing. Beyonce turned up to the Gotham Magazine Gala in New York last night with these bobbing above her shoulders. Full Story

Lonely, sad Concrete Tits

November 19, 2008 09:16:14 Posted at November 19, 2008 09:16:14
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I feel like it’s been a long time since she’s propped them out. Yay! Here’s Victoria Beckham with her concrete tits in white last night after a private event at Eva Longoria’s Beso restaurant. Eva wore black to the party, as did Hayden Panettiere. But there’s never been an upstager like Posh. Full Story

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Megan Meh

November 19, 2008 07:38:38 Posted at November 19, 2008 07:38:38
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Megan Fox and her fiancé Brian Austin Green last night at the GQ event at the Chateau Marmont. Like…do you care? Said it before, will say it again. She’s an eternal Blender girl. The poor man’s Angelina Jolie. It’s crass, and I’m sorry, but Megan Fox is at best a handjob in the backseat, not even real sex from behind over the hood of the car, you know what I mean? And she can’t dress either. Full Story

One giant dealbreaker

November 17, 2008 10:55:00 Posted at November 17, 2008 10:55:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I react to Mario Lopez the same way I react to roadkill or Pete Doherty: Ew. Remember when People Magazine named him the Hottest Bachelor? Ew!!!!!!!!! I don’t get it. To me Mario Lopez is head to toe one giant dealbreaker. Full Story

Those bangs…

November 14, 2008 11:24:12 Posted at November 14, 2008 11:24:12
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Are the sh-ts. Does she know? Does the Alba Demon know? That she’s not Heidi Klum? I don’t think she knows. Because we already know she has an inflated opinion of her abilities – physical and professional. This is Jessica Alba last night at the Black Ball, hanging out with Alicia Keys and Justin Timberlake and trying to pretend she can roll in the same river of talent. Full Story

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Dear Gossips,

Lots of freeze and wax and hairspray at the CMAs last night. And also much enthusiasm for the return of Shania Twain who modelled two dresses for the occasion and, well, as you can see from the earrings and the double wrist gold bangles and the slight feathering of the hair, needless to say, Shania from Canada brought the Nashville flair!

I can’t even talk about her shoes.

And I have Jennifer Aniston fatigue. From The Ivy onwards, it’s been a relentless assault all week long. And it’s still not over.

Thursday – online all day. Check back often!

Yours in gossip,


JailBait CakeFace

November 13, 2008 08:01:38 Posted at November 13, 2008 08:01:38
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Miley Cyrus has finally succeeded in looking older than Ali Lohan. Congratulations! Check out JailBait at the CMAs last night if you can find her under that volcano of makeup that’s exploded all over her face. The point of being young and youthful and no wrinkles and NOT EVEN 16 (!) is to not have to embellish, isn’t it? Or was it? If looking OLD is in, why does Granny Nicole Kidman keep mutilating her face? JailBait brought along her dad and her 20 year old boyfriend Justin Gaston to the event amid rumours that he’s now living with her family. Full Story

Country Wax

November 13, 2008 07:58:58 Posted at November 13, 2008 07:58:58
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Carrie Underwood won big last night at the CMAs. She also changed, like, 45 times. And each time she came out, she still looked like her wax figure so in the style department, she’s not exactly kicking Porny Simpson’s ass… As for that mall hair I mentioned in reference to Taylor Swift – straight on top, curly on bottom – perfect example right here on Country’s biggest bitch whose ego, if you can believe it, is actually heavier and more volatile, than her hair. Full Story