Jennifer Garner wins Best Picture at the Oscars

February 25, 2013 20:18:13 Posted at February 25, 2013 20:18:13
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Photos:
Wenn, Kevin Winter/ Jason Merritt/ Kevork Djansezian/ FREDERIC J. BROWN/ Getty

She was the silent producer. If they allowed four people up there, she should have been included. And we all know how much work she did. Because while she may not have been responsible for the filmmaking, Oscar is often more about how the film is presented, and less about how the film actually plays. How did Jennifer Garner, Mrs Affleck, present Argo?

Well, she was FLOTUS 2012/2013. She showed up everywhere, on and off the carpet. She made sure he wore the right clothes, held on to the right child, rotated viewing time for him with each one, and together they saved it for when it mattered most: Here they are, the Afflecks, actually posing side by side for the first time as a married couple, on Oscar night AND of course on the victory lap at the Vanity Fair party. 

He was tense to start the evening, though. I mean, it’s never for sure until it’s for sure. And it doesn’t help when the host conjures JLO’s bare ass in your face and references Gigli, and reminds you that the Academy forgot. Check out Ben’s reaction:

But he was genuinely moved and relieved when Chris Terrio won Screenplay, and then, when finally Argo was crowned, it was a bumbling, blubbering Ben who stood at the microphone, crashing his words together, and f-cking up his tribute to his wife after giving her an awkward, almost dispassionate, routine kiss. As Duana described it, it was as if he won Coach of the Year at Little League, and not the most prestigious award in the business…

An accomplishment that seemed unlikely a decade ago. Which, to me, was the most ridiculous part of his speech. My dad called me to ask about that, you know. Dad isn’t aware of the gossip background. All he heard was this:

"I never thought I’d be back here and I am. It's because of so many of you who are here tonight. Because of so many who extended themselves to me when they had nothing to benefit from it. I couldn’t get them a job. I want to thank them for what they taught me, that you have to work harder than anyone else. You can’t hold grudges. It’s hard. But you can’t hold grudges. It doesn’t matter how you get knocked down in life. That’s going to happen. All that matters is you’ve got to get up."

Elaine, what happened to Mr Affleck? Did he go to prison? Was there a great loss?

I didn’t know how to explain to my father that Ben Affleck was pulling himself back up after a despairing dark time that saw him make terrible movies while fondling the finest ass in the world and earning several million dollars at a time. It certainly trumps any woeful immigrant story.

As for those of you asking about her dress - it may not be the worst choice she’s ever made but I hated that dinosaur ruffle at the back. Did you see what it looked like from the side, especially when she was walking? It moved like a plushy costume, with a tail that waves back and forth, usually attached to an intentionally bulbous bottom.

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