Best of `08: Douchebag`s break-up press conference

December 31, 2008 10:33:26 Posted at December 31, 2008 10:33:26
Lainey Posted by Lainey

August 16, 2008. We were one week into the Olympics, obsessed with Michael Phelps, and John Mayer shamewhore famewhore got jealous and decided to hold an impromptu press conference FOR THE PAPARAZZI telling the world, on camera, why HE BROKE UP with Jennifer Aniston.

Over and again he said he BROKE UP with Jennifer Aniston. Over and over again he insisted what a lovely woman she is but that you know it’s not HER, it’s HIM - a public humiliation she now insists will never happen again. Oh yeah because a couple months later, she actually TOOK HIM BACK. And, like Britney under the heavy haze of medication, John has once again been muzzled. Only temporarily. Because you know he can’t resist. You know a man capable of these kinds of shenanigans, the same man you see in the video below, you know he’ll be back for more. This is the kind of sh-t that makes John Mayer amazing.

John Mayer holds impromptu press conference with paparazzi to tell everyone he BROKE UP with Jennifer Aniston:

Transcript of John Mayer’s impromptu press conference with paparazzi to tell everyone he BROKE UP with Jennifer Aniston:

"If you guys are going to run stuff and run every lie under the sun, have somebody stand up for somebody. Have me as a man who ended a relationship stand here and write some truth. Have me stand up for somebody and write that Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I've ever met. She's one of the most lovely people I've ever met in my life and I'm going through something that's a very personal thing and you have to give that up. You have to give everything up because you can't have it all and it sucks.
I'm sorry that the story's not interesting. But it's about time that somebody stands up for that girl and I think she's great.

(Breaking up is) the most normal thing in the world – There's no lying, there's no cheating. There's no nothing. People are different, they have different chemistry, they have different lives. It's not about years, it's about going out with somebody, being truthful on the way in, being truthful in the middle and being truthful on the way out.”

Why are you asking me (if there’s someone else?) I'm being as honest as I can possibly can be. I ended a relationship because there is no lying. I ended a relationship to be alone because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right. I don't waste people's time.

I don't do 'the taper. I guarantee you 20 percent of the people on this street right now who are in a relationship wish they could get out but they don't know how. And I'm going to be honest on the way in to my relationships and I'm going to be honest on the way out of my relationships.

I just feel like spending a million dollars right now to put a mirror in every Us Weekly so that when you're reading about it, you go, 'Oh, that was me two years ago' or 'That was me a year ago. You're either a cheater or you breakup. And I'm not the first. I'm the second one. And that's it. There's no lying, there's no bullsh*t, I just don't want to be followed around New York City like an animal.”


PS. Have you heard John’s rendition of Mimi Cheese’s All I Want for Christmas? My husband, he’s the one who first called it Limp Dick Music. And when he walked by me yesterday and heard the song, he spat out: Is that John Mayer? WTF. That sh*t’s worse than ice cubes on my schlong.

Heh.

John Mayer All I Want for Christmas - audio

John Mayer All I Want for Christmas – video

File photos from Wenn.com

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